October 28, 2009


© PostSecret.

The one person you love the most could also be the one who hurts you the worst. Isn't it ironic?

They say, if you love someone, you must fight for them. Because time flies fast, and this might be your only chance. But what if you've fought as hard as you could, and that one person still doesn't see you? Then stop. YOU are important, YOU must be happy. Some people are idiots, they can't see the love that's in front of their eyes. Isn't it ironic?

October 19, 2009

A Song, A Moment.

Who doesn't love music? Raise your hand if don't enjoy music. Aha, just as I thought, there's no one in this world that would possibly not take pleasure in music.

A couple days ago, I was chatting with my boyfriend, Jason, and he was asking for some song recommendations, as he was on the search for some new music. Currently, I'm loving Yo La Tengo and Midlake, both of them has this folky indie sound which I like a lot. So anyway, we got talking and he started mentioning songs that he said that reminded him of me. And it was funny to know that he could be compassionate about these songs. He'd mention a song, and then he'd mention a particular moment when that song was playing. It was certainly a huge shock to me. I literally laughed all night, it was so sweet of him to remember such events. And then I started thinking of this idea to write down the songs that reminded me of him. A song, a moment.

#1 As Lovers Go - Dashboard Confessional.
Reminds me of : Riding his vespa, in our school uniform. Hugging him tight, as it was still in the first month since he became mine. We were such kids, we'd send messages with the lyrics to this song. "I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier, I'll be yours my dear".

#2 Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds - Bono (The Beatles Cover)
Reminds me of : Sitting in my Grandma's living room, getting high and laughing at each other. Our eyes were terribly red, and we'd take stupid photos on my laptop. This song also reminds me of being on the beach reminiscing our days together.

#3 Drifting - Andy McKee
Reminds me of : Being in Bandung, waiting for Jason to come back from his test to get into university. The first time I knew I'd lose him to the city. We slept in each other arms and he'd wake me up with hundreds of kisses in the morning. Watch Andy's video.

#4 Die, Die My Darling - The Misfits
Reminds me of : Saturday nights in his car, in the middle of a traffic jam. Back in high school, we always had The Misfits' CD as our Saturday night soundtrack. He'd hold my hand while singing the lyrics sarcastically to my face. "Die, die my darling. Just shut your pretty mouth". Ok, that ain't romantic, but this song is so us!

#5 Talk Shows On Mute - Incubus
Reminds me of : Last year, when Incubus had a concert in Jakarta, things went wrong so we couldn't enter the venue. So we walked back together to the parking lot, hand in hand. While we could hear Brandon singing this song. We sang along loudly. It was literally a perfect moment! I've wrote about this one before.

#6 Special Needs - Placebo
Reminds me of : Being somewhere near him. It was his ringtone back then. Every time his phone rings, this song would be heard. This song is so high school for me, reminds me of being desperately in love with him and adoring the way he answer phone calls.

#7 All I Need - Radiohead
Reminds me of : Watching him walk away while I walk behind him. When he came to visit me here in Jogja, and he was about to go home. Holding his train ticket in his hand, and he kissed my forehead. Told me to take good care of myself, and asked me not to come to the train station because it would be hard to go.

There are still dozens of songs, but if I wrote them all down, this would be the most boring blog post ever! Hahaha. Hope you enjoyed this little piece out of my memory box. And you can download the songs if you like. Just right click + Save Link/Target As. To be honest with you, our relationship is hitting the rocks. But I don't want to give out to many details. Talk to you guys later! Follow me on Twitter if you don't mind :D XO

P.S : Jason, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I miss you and I always think of you.

October 2, 2009

I Can Feel Blue Too

Am I living a dream that isn't mine? I feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be, not surrounded by people who should be around me, not in the path I should be walking through. But that's life, I guess. All you can do is hope and dream. And even though you try hard to be who you want to be, you'd be a lucky one in between millions, if you ever get there. If you don't, well you just gotta accept it. No matter how bitter it feels. I have not been myself lately, I'm like a machine, doing orders and moving under someone's control. Not that I'm saying that I hate my life, but to be frank, I wish it could be better. I secretly cry myself to bed sometimes. This place, this life, this person. Where, what, who?

Yet there's a passion in my heart, but my voice can't come out. There's a will in my guts, but my muscles can't work.

But I ask myself again, is this just a thing grown ups go through? The breakdowns, the heartbreaks, the unfulfilled expectations?

I've became best friends with the airplanes, the clouds, and the wind. But they can't take me where I want to be.

P.S : I won the Indonesian Youth Conference blog competition! Read my article online at The Jakarta Globe's website. My article will be published in the newspaper, soon. How cool is that? ;)