December 20, 2009

In Case You Missed It

Hmm. I guess I'm charged guilty for not blogging for a month. Will you forgive me? I've got no excuses left, so I might as well just admit that I had no passion to write or share anything whatsoever this past month. I've been getting so so so many emails from readers, which is really, very sweet. Emails of encouragement and support, some only said hi, and some ask a bunch of silly questions. But it's great, and I thank you all for having me in your thoughts.

I'm gonna settle this once and for all, and I'll be honest. For those who asked, yes, I was depressed. Of course I was. My heart was screwed up with such terrible feelings and emotions. It felt like, how do I say this, umm.. Like a big chunk of my heart was ripped off so fast I didn't have time to save it. And frankly, your sweet emails didn't help me at all. Well, it did made me smile a little, but then you can't lie to your heart. So I still felt hurt anyway and I thought there was nothing I can do about it. My family and friends thinks I look terrible nowadays, I look like I've lost my passion for everything I used to love.

Love? Yeah, I don't know either. I thought I knew what it meant. But apparently I didn't have a clue. All I ever knew was obsession of an illusion. An illusion of feelings that I thought was love.

But after 2 months of crying and struggling to let go, here I am, feeling better than ever. Feeling like now, I can do anything I want! I don't need some boy to make me feel happy. I haven't officially "moved on" yet, as I still miss everything we had, I still miss him and the idea of having him around, to be in his arms and to feel his lips gently touch mine. But then again, he seems to be very well over there, without me. And so, why be depressed? As I always say, life is too short to be depressed, life is too short to waste.

Everything changed on a Wednesday afternoon, a couple weeks ago. When a friend of mine came to my place and brought me the latest edition of Hai magazine. There I was, on three pages with my huge photo that seems to be eating the whole magazine. I've been in a lot of magazines before, but this one is different. Three pages long, a long article just about me, and really, me only. It sounds cheesy of course, but I looked at myself, and it was my first photo with a nice smile on it ever since I broke up with my boyfriend. I looked happy. And yet again, this sounds cheesy again, but it made me feel like I'm a new person, and I can be anyone I want.

http://i48.tinypic.com/2u7rl21.jpg
Here it is, my three pages long article. Just in case you missed it :)


After that article, I made new friends, got more readers, and made everyone around me so proud. I'm not a star, but at least I'm someone. Something I've never thought before. I've been loving someone else for so long that I forgot who the real me really was. I'm fierce, I'm strong, I'm happy. I'm Cassandra Niki, I'm your Casseybunn :)


http://i50.tinypic.com/eq8c5l.jpg
Got a haircut, and now I feel bald and a little like a boy.


Please do wait up for my book that will soon be published, i'll tell you all about it next time. Happy holidays! Much love for y'all. XOXO!



P.S : I didn't cut off my hair because I was depressed though. I just thought I needed a new look. And if you know any cute guys, be sure to send his info to my email! Hahaha. Just kidding :p