March 14, 2010

My Personal Philosophy About The L Word

Love is weird, and odd, actually. I think I've fallen into it, a few times now. I think I've fallen out of it, a few times now, also. But now I know, I no longer think. I had no idea, and still don't. (But deep inside, I'm sure of an idea, that I've known a love so eternal I can't let it go, yet again, it's just an idea.)

You know, when you have this feeling, it's like the end of everything. You see them, and you think to yourself, "This, this is the one." You feel their touch, and you think to yourself, "This, this is perfect." How could you be so sure? Of this feeling, of love? You make assumptions and you dream dreams of the right person at the right time with the right amount dedication. But who is right? When is right? How much is right?

There is no right. That's it. You will hear the phrase "Nobody's perfect." three thousand times and you taste barf right against the back of your throat.

At one point, the right person will soon show flaws. Even though you swore to always love them for exactly what they are. But the flaws exists and you secretly wish you could do something about them. Or perhaps, they came too soon or maybe too late. Wow, bad timing. Too soon, you haven't gained enough knowledge to know that this person IS in fact perfect, you just couldn't see it yet, and regret it in the future. Or too late, when you've grown into a mature version of yourself where your principles are solid and no longer are able to be changed even a tiny bit, and oh you wish they'd come a little bit sooner. But maybe, the person could be right and they stepped into the picture right on time, yet, they simply don't love you as much as you love them. Or at least as much as you expected, as much as it feels "right".

As for personal experience, I'm sure you stand exactly where I stand. We've been there, we've done that. We meet the right people, but then we scare them away. While others think we are right for them, but it wasn't the right timing for us to understand that. And then we got scared away.

And there it is. The three things we always blame. The person, the time, the amount of dedication. The three things we blame for us "falling out of love", the three things we blame for ruining whatever we felt. When all those lovely thoughts, "This is the one, this is perfect" fades away. We fall out of love. And weirdly, and oddly, we move on.

But it's love, for heaven's sake. Love knows no boundaries. There is no such thing as 'falling out of love'. If you think you've fallen out of it, you probably never have been in it.

P.S : A new photo series coming up for the next post. Hugs!

March 13, 2010

..And then I became a writer. Officially.

It was a hectic morning, February 13th. I wondered whether 13 the date was my lucky 13. I was haunted all night, thinking no one would show up to the official release of my first book. I feel like a nobody, who would come? I woke up surprisingly early. I usually never wake up before 12, but there I was awake, losing my mind, because Mom & my sister, Sky, still haven't decided what to wear. They were really, literally, driving me crazy. That morning, all I wanted was a boost of confidence, optimism and a huge cup of coffee.

After getting our wardrobe picked out, I grabbed that huge cup of coffee and we headed straight to the saloon. I had to get some make up done, as blemishes were growing massively on my cheeks. I've never had so much acne since junior high school. I was on the early days of my period and yeah, I was also stressing out, I guess. I felt so ugly, I needed a professional make up artist to hide those gross puberty evidence. Puberty ey? I thought I just turned 20 years old.

Mom & I got haircuts, Sky got her hair done too, into something that looks just similar as how it looks everyday. My make up session ended just about time, 30 minutes before my schedule to be on stage at Pejaten Village. The event took place in the main atrium of the damn mall. It freaked me out all morning. Still, the thought in my head, "What if no one shows up?"

Before I knew it, there I was. On stage. Staring at people who were smiling excitingly as they hear me speak. My personality faded away behind my embarrassment. I turned into this shy little lady, no words were able to come out from my mouth. As I am only able to speak out lame jokes to answer the commentator who keeps on asking weird questions, everyone seems to look... disappointed. But then the ice broke eventually and I got finally got comfortable after perhaps, 6 or maybe 7 questions.

People came. I was surprised. Blog readers, twitter followers. It was bizarrely wonderful. And as the event goes on, my friends kept showing up. High school friends, junior high school classmates, other bloggers, old friends I've known for years, even new friends I've only known through the internet. That secret guy I've been dating for a month now also came. (Please don't ask for details, we're only dating, casually).

The book signing session was the most delightful part of the night. Who knew, people ACTUALLY wanted my autograph? And they also wanted photos taken with me. ME? It was beyond magical. At an instant moment, I felt a bit like a celebrity. It was so fun. Autograph after autograph, photo after photo. Exhausting but fabulous. Too bad though, I got too excited, I forgot that my phone was on the book signing table, and I left it there unsupervised. My new Blackberry smartphone that I just bought 3 days ago. And boom, just like that, it vanished, into the hands of the fucking stealer. But I guess it was a sign, a sign that I didn't need a Blackberry and that my book would be selling good.

As soon as I realized my Blackberry was missing, I panicked, and then the event had to end. I regretted ending the event so soon, as later I found out that so many people came late and didn't get a chance to meet me. For that, if you're one of them, I'm deeply sorry. I hope you understand, and perhaps, we'll have a chance to meet again for my next book? :)

I lost a phone but I gained so much more. I am officially a writer, my book is in book stores all over the country, and wow don't I have the greatest readers in the world?!So far, the book has been selling in a great amount. Sold out in a few places already. Looks like a great start! I've been blessed, and I'm so very thankful. I'm thankful for this awesome opportunity and I'm thankful for you.

P.S : Find reviews about my book all over the internet. Google "Letters, Stories, & Dreams". Hope you've got my book already, if you haven't, aw that's a pity, you really should! x