Cassandra Niki - Blog

San Francisco Teaser

2011-12-22T15:52:00.000+07:00

Ok, I know this has taken forever and then I made everyone confused by trying to change my domain. I'm having a lot of technical difficulties, but I promise you this, when my website is up and running, not only I will have a brand new domain, but my online portfolio will finally be for everyone to see. In the mean time, here's a teaser of my upcoming San Francisco tour video. We are currently reshooting some interview scenes, I'm holding my breath with you all. Hope you're excited, because I am!

Love,

Cass.

P.S: Help me spread the word that my blog is still alive! And if you have any interesting questions, head over to my Formspring account x

My Twenty-Two

2011-11-27T04:52:00.001+07:00

No longer a newbie to the legal age, old enough to be called an adult, but no too embarrassed to admit it. I'm 22 years old. This year, there is no need of an over-the-top celebration. I have done enough celebrations for 2011, achieving one of my biggest dreams. A bottle of beer (which I had no capability to finish) was how I greeted my twenty-two. Many said, a good age.

Loved ones and cute cats accompany me this morning as I write this post. I am content. What's next to do today is a nice dinner and good 10 hours of The Sims 3. Then? Bed.

Thank you for the wishes, may you all have a great Cassandra day ;p

Love,
Cass.

P.S: Happy Thanksgiving! I love how my birthday is always so close to Thanksgiving!

Saying Goodbye To 'casseybunn'

2011-11-13T21:49:00.001+07:00

Dearest readers,

I hope everyone's doing good both physically and mentally. I've been through a lot of 'mind-wandering' days that I didn't realize that it's November already, which means yet another birthday of mine is coming up. I'll be 22 years old this year, a number yet to sound amazingly old to my ears. And as my mother reads that sentence, she'd go "Old?! If you're old, what the hell am I?!".

I mentioned in my last post, Macmillan - my famous dirty macbook that has been featured in magazines, the machine that wrote my very first book - has fried itself to death not long ago. Luckily, I have landed a swell job that has been helping me save a little cash to buy a new laptop, oh God do I need it so fucking desperately. With this post I'm happy to introduce you to my brand new laptop, I call him Robert. Named after all the charming Roberts I've come to fancy. In the background I hear my mom go "Robert?! What an uninteresting name...."

So, as I have this lovely new laptop, I decided to give everyone a new update of what's going on. (Ok, I promised a video, but I swear it's still in editing!)

This post is actually dedicated to an "announcement" I'd like to make. About a teeeny-weeeny change that will occur in a mere moment. Ok, here it goes... I am dropping my "casseybunn" alias. Any jaws dropping? I guess not. I know, I know, I've had that alias for seven years, why change it now? Well, it is for professionalism reasons and a small way to grow up. There are many awkward situations that I've been in due to this silly nickname an ex-boyfriend once gave me - such as people calling me "casseybunn" instead of my real name, or when clients ask for my website, the answer "triple w dot casseybunn dot com" has managed to confuse many ears, or as many take this nickname as a childish internet meme. Quick fun fact: back in 2005, I loved writing my name '-CaSsEyBuNn-'.

One night, there was a conversation in my living room, between my ex-boyfriend and two close friends back in junior high school. We were telling childhood stories and one of mine was about how naughty and hyperactive I was as a child. I ran into fences, tables, even walls dozens of times. Yes, I was that stupid. All that running caused me to lose all my baby teeth at 5 years old! While all my friends in school had cute tiny teeth, my grown-up teeth were already making a presentation, they were HUGE and quite funny looking in my tiny mouth. Then it started, my childhood friends called me "Cassey Bunny" from there on, but not as a compliment! It wasn't as cute as it sounds now.

I guess that story caught on, then the nickname "Bunn" came along. My ex loved it so much. It was a nickname my friends called me for years. And then there I was, in front of a computer in an internet cafe - it was 2005, I discovered the most amazing website ever, Deviantart.com. I just couldn't help myself, a website where people can post their artworks, whoa, I had to be on it. It didn't even took a minute, I just spontaneously typed 'casseybunn' as my username. And who knew, in just a year, that name glued itself onto me until today.

I created an internet persona with 'casseybunn'. I booked jobs, I wrote a book, I've created a somewhat base of readers. It is a power I couldn't be ever more thankful of. I love having the ability to say or do something and make people hear and see. I hope this never changes, the only change I want is to be known as myself. 'casseybunn' was a teenager, full of hope and always embarked adventurous drama what-nots. She cried on everyone's shoulders for years, through her blog and her book. She was an aspiring photographer, learning what-to-dos and who-to-knows (still is..). She was a childish little girl, often creating dispute with words she never intended to hurt anyone, but did. She was an alter-ego within me, a costume I wear when I talk to you.

Now that I'm turning 22, I no longer feel that this name still represents who I am. Nobody really grows up, but I did, a little. I have made a brand out of my name, which is awesome, but that brand has made people forgot that there is a 'Cassandra Niki' behind it. This decision isn't really such a big deal as how I'm making it sound right now. However, it is a little painful letting go of something that in some ways define who I am, or was.

On November 27th, I plan to change my website to www.cassandraniki.com and change any casseybunn usernames I have created for these past years into Cassandra Niki. This will include my Facebook page, Twitter (will change into @cassandraniki), Youtube, Formspring, Last.fm and many more. Keep yourselves updated, avoid being confused if you cannot find my online accounts.

By doing this, I feel myself becoming more mature and I do wish for your support.

With much love,

Cass x

A Very Girly Documentation

2011-10-11T21:00:00.003+07:00

I have always been fascinated with backstage photographs of events that it has actually been a dream occupation for quite a while now. As I am not yet 'a somebody' able to do this, I find joy just by documenting family comings and goings. This series was taken as my sister, Sky, was getting her makeup done for our cousin's wedding last month, I hate admitting this on daily basis, but she looked really stunning that day. I hope one day I can do this for a living, it's undeniably fun.

Love,
Cass.

This is my recent self-portrait taken by Sky

P.S: I'm sorry for the extensive delay of updating, also for not yet uploading my San Francisco video I promised before. My computer has recently broke down, hence, I need time to save money for a new one, until then please wait with me :3

Sparkling Jewels

2011-08-17T11:03:00.003+07:00

For my final project this semester at the Academy of Art University, I decided to do something different, something I've never really done before. I challenged myself to continue on doing studio work as a continuation of my self-portrait photo shoot for school. I lack details in most of photographs, this is a weakness. I'm more of a fast photographer, stealing moments as they pass by, resulting a photograph to lack detail and composition. For this project, I took a chance to teach myself about details, composition and color palette. The goal was to get as much detail as possible in the series. Jewelry as the subject itself is what I'm mainly focusing on, having strobes as the key lighting and a model to help framing the jewelry in a decent way. Obviously you can see the consistent color palette that I'm very happy about. The photo shoot and final presentation went very well, helping me land on a solid awesome letter grade for the last assignment for my Digital Photography class.

It was a tough photo shoot at first, trying to make decisions on what and how. When and where. Thankfully I had my awesome friends who were available to assist me throughout the photo shoot and I got the help I very much needed. Sasha Kim and Shan Lee are also photographers in my class. Sasha documented the whole day using her iPhone while Shan helped out the model and mostly held up our little fan all day. Miss beautiful model is Karissa Hosek, she's a photographer too! You should check out their websites and see the amazing friends I've made this past summer. That all being said, I leave you with my very first behind the scenes footage ever!

Ciao!

Love,

Cass.

P.S: Click here for more photos from this series. Do tell what you think and if there are enough positive feedbacks, I'll make more videos!

Isolation

2011-07-31T13:42:00.005+07:00

This series was made for one of my AAU assignments. The assignment was to portray the word "isolation". Here I have humans as the subject matter while they are somewhat isolated in their environment. Having negative space as much as possible around the subject. Therefore creates an assumption of "wanting to feel isolated". Photos were taken at Ocean Beach, San Francisco.

Behind the scenes. Photo taken by Sasha Kim.

With love,

Cass x

P.S: Photography tip: Never shoot digitally in black & white, shoot color and then convert to black & white on the computer using Photoshop or Lightroom. By doing so, you keep a lot more information and detail on your photograph.

Portraits From Chinatown

2011-07-22T12:44:00.002+07:00

For today's photo series, I'm showcasing my latest portraits from San Francisco's Chinatown. Here I'm trying to take a different approach to the project, which was a neighborhood project for a school assignment. Rather than taking architectural photographs (which I clearly suck at most of the time), I decided to challenge myself to take more portraits and this time, of chinese strangers working their day in a tourist destination neighborhood. As editing is not allowed, I took this opportunity to learn my best on how to take a great exposure with available light and manual camera settings. Focusing on how can I take a photograph that tells a story in a journalistic and documentary way. I imagine as if I were taking photos for a magazine article.

It was definitely not easy. As most of the people found me very hostile bringing a camera into their faces, after days or weeks or months even years of having themselves in a spotlight of tourism. I realized they weren't so happy with my presence, even after I tried talking nicely to them explaining that I'm a photography student with an ongoing project about their culture. The answer yet again would be a big fat NO. So, I had to do what I had to do. I refuse to fail myself and fail my project. I took secret snapshots, trying to be as discreet and inconspicuous as possible. And hereby, the portraits from Chinatown.

With love,

Cass x

Portraits From The Castro

2011-07-17T13:59:00.007+07:00

I have so many new photos which forces me to post blog much more frequently! Like the good old days of year 2008! How does everyone feel about that? Most of my ongoing and upcoming photos might be shots for my college assignments, because really, summer classes is tough and intense, I have no time literally to do anything else other than doing my assignments!

So anyway, here are some fav photographs of mine I took at the Castro. I had such a wonderful afternoon walking along Castro street. I love the romantic feeling the neighborhood has. Everyone looks eccentric and brave to be themselves. Lovers scatter around corners, hand in hand, lips meet lips. Patriotic rainbow flags coloring the all the old buildings. Quirky and kinky shops side by side seeming never ending.

Oh, Castro! You, are beautiful.

Love,

Cass.

P.S: Click here for more photos from the Castro :)

A Little Of SF

2011-07-12T06:51:00.004+07:00

A little recap of how my first month in San Francisco went! It took almost 24 hours of flights to finally get here. Transiting everywhere; from Jogjakarta to Jakarta, then Singapore, Japan and finally to the city of the famous Golden Gate Bridge. Once I first step foot outside the airport, my first thought wasn't "MY DREAMS HAS FINALLY CAME TRUE!". Instead, it was.. "OH FUCK IT'S FREEZING!". It was 12˚C when I arrived, and my friend who was picking me up said that it was actually one of SF's warm days. And then I was like, "Wow awee..some", while putting on layers of clothing.

I figured out how easy transportation is in a couple of days after getting lost a few times. I wasn't used to having such easy access to everywhere, it was so easy to go anywhere but that also means that getting lost is as effortless. Thank god I didn't find myself on the way to Los Angeles or something. Although that would be pretty great.

Oh and I am so happy of the fact that I could speak english all day long without looking like jackass, but then after a minute of talking, I started feeling that my english sounded really odd and funny. Haha!

Okay back to the city. Although sometimes it gets super cold, I really enjoy the weather. Especially when it's sunny outside. Apparently, San Francisco gets really foggy in the mornings (except downtown). From where I live, it's almost always foggy. But I like it! And SF is really clean, I also love that it is. It makes me feel guilty every time I light up a cigarette. Which by the waaay, has become less. I don't smoke as much as I usually do because smoking is only allowed outside at the curbs, it gets fucking annoying sometimes. It's freezing and people walk by all the time, so it's better not to smoke at all. Good news I guess.

My university is way downtown and it's pretty amazing. There are so many asians attending, so it's good to know that I'm not the smallest person there. I haven't made a lot of friends yet, but I've made some. It's enough for now, but hopefully that changes soon. I really enjoy taking the bus to classes and walking everywhere from there. The first few days, I had an awful backache and my legs were killing me. I'm pretty sure it's from all the walking I normally NEVER do in Indonesia.

And, oh man, the uni is great. I've never been this excited about school since the 10th grade. But here's the thing, I've been drowning in all my school work which explains these photos I posted today. I know it looks nothing like what I usually do, but these are photos I took all over SF for my uni assignments. Some are pretty good, some just suck. Sorry! Promise I'll get better! But I do have some better shots that I'll upload in a couple of days :)

With love,

Cass x

P.S: I promised to post some videos that my friend and I were working on a month ago but never found the right time to do so. So, help yourself and search for 'Cassandra Niki' on Vimeo. You'll find some videos to watch.

Spending The 'Before I Go'

2011-06-08T00:33:00.004+07:00

It was probably the best moment I've ever had in Jogjakarta. Time might fly fast, but memories stay in hearts forever. No matter good or bad. In this case, it was grand. Now it's time to welcome summer, pack the bags and fly. But I'll be home in no time, dearest.

Cass x

San Fuckin' Francisco

2011-05-25T00:59:00.010+07:00

It all began back in 1999, months before the death of my beloved father. I remember a conversation we had in the car while munching on a kind of fried banana snack Indonesians like to enjoy. I told him that I plan to become a film director once I grow up. After years of changing my aspirations; being a president, an architect, a veterinarian, a rockstar, even a cashier lady at McDonald's. It was finally fixed, I wanted to become a film director. A visual artist. Then so, I can't remember the exact words, but he said that I can go study that back where I was born then come home to Indonesia and relive the Indonesian film scene. Too optimistic I must say. But as a 10 year old, it was a dream to die for.

To make a long story short, even though I once had no intentions to get into any Indonesian university, I ended up getting into a prestigious one and failed big time. I got through it though, transferring myself into an art institute, while still secretly admiring a dream I thought I'll never have. Financially, studying out of this country is impossible. College in Indonesia is expensive enough, let alone studying abroad.

San Francisco. Oh where do I start? I once started admiring this beautiful city because of film scenes I often see. I always had a passion for the image of San Francisco, especially in it's 70's and 80's timeline. The victorian architecture, the steep hills and cable cars, the hippies with flowers in their hair, the parades of liberalism, I can go on and on. Always found this city inspiring in so many ways. And so, I always dreamt of living there. One day.

Because of this obsession and my anger towards my failure of finding motivation to keep on continuing my studies, I kept on applying for scholarships and shit like that in order to make this happen. Yet again and again I never got it. I started this hobby of applying into SF colleges in late 2008. I tried every year. 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011. I could easily get in, who couldn't. But even though I could get in, I won't be able to pay for the extremely expensive tuition. A little amount of time after New Year's 2011, my latest application was for a portfolio based scholarship to get into one of the most prestigious art universities in America, Academy of Art University.

It was hard deciding on which photos I should put into my portfolio. Days went by still confused. Until I met film makers Kel O'Neil & Eline Jongsma who were currently filming project Empire in Jogjakarta. We became close friends and they taught me a lot about affordable and easy film making. I found out later that apparently Eline had studied photography in college, so I asked her a favor to help me decide which photos I should send in. I gave her photos that I thought were my best. It did not impress her AT ALL. How strange. The photos that have made me won competitions and earn recognition in Indonesian magazines wasn't "describing" me enough, she said. Then she browsed through my old works and thought that I should make a photo essay on these black and white photos. She said they were romantic in a way. I would have NEVER picked those photos for a portfolio, in my opinion they're very personal and blurry and stuff. But I followed her advice anyway and made short essays for those grainy photos, sent them in, then waited.

Then who would have guessed.. Months later, I got the scholarship.

I've always thought that San Francisco would be forever a dream. It was crazy how fast this happened. As my good friend, Alanda Kariza said, "Dreams do come true if you pursue them!." (I just noticed that Al has her own Wikipedia page now! Whoa girl, you're getting uber famous!).

So yeah. I'll be moving to San Francisco in two weeks. It's gonna be so fucking ace! Thanks to everyone who always believed in me, especially all you readers that have been so patient reading through my babblings about this wonderful city and my obsession to study there. Can't wait to get there, there'll sure be fun posts to write! Wish me luck!

Love,

Cass x

P.S : Dearest Kel & Eline, if you ever stumble upon this post, a billion hugs and thank yous to you. I look forward to the day when we will meet again.

Klastic YK Portraits

2011-05-14T13:25:00.009+07:00

This me at the exhibition opening day. My hair just couldn't be shitier.

Cirque du Plastic - Animal Instinct lo-fi photo exhibition went very well. The opening was pretty successful, attracting a lot of guests and artists from all around Yogyakarta. Only one thing fucked up, and that was my hair. The second day was like a little reunion gathering for the Klastic members, welcoming members from other cities. I was very happy with our limited space, because limitations was supposedly our first concept for the whole exhibition. The installations had flaws, but we got through it all well. Yet again, I still had to explain over and over again that I am NOT a member Klastic, not saying that it would be wrong, but I worked as their curator. That is it. The lovely Klastic Yogyakarta members gave me a little surprise after my welcome greet. They made a frame of 'Thank You' artworks and gave me free toy cameras. It was so unexpected and beyond sweet. You'll be seeing more lo-fi works of mine pretty soon.

The last day was touchy, it was hard seeing all the artworks being taken off the walls. And oddly, after only 3 months of getting to know the artists, I felt close to everyone. I did not just curated, I earned so much more. I ended up becoming a mentor and friend to all artists participating in the exhibition. This was more than an achievement, it was an experience I'll never forget and never stop feeling grateful for.

Here I leave you with some portraits of the Klastic artists I took for the photo book slash catalog that you can download for free. Download to see all the artworks! You can also check out more photos from this series at my Facebook page. If you're curious to see how our installation looked like, you can check out some documentation on Klastic's page, find the links on their Twitter.

With love,

Cass.

P.S: Big news coming up. Can't wait to write about it x

Cirque du Plastic - Animal Instinct | Lo-Fi Photo Exhibition

2011-05-02T22:46:00.007+07:00

It has been a busy 3 months as I work for my first curatorial debut. Months ago, I was contacted by a group of young photographers whom are planning to hold their annual exhibition. That group of people go under the name of KLASTIC representing the city of Yogyakarta. The sent me a proposal in hopes of having me curate their exhibition.

Being a curator isn't a teeny weeny easy job. It is a very respected job in the art world. A curator is a person who manages or directs a museum collection or exhibition. The curator is the decision maker, one who decides the artists, selects the artworks, outline the displays, etc. If you see it as a film, the curator is like the film director. Most curators are expected to acknowledge in total about the form of art one is presenting. Here in Yogyakarta, at the art university I'm currently attending, I've learned that a curator's job is to become the "bridge" between artists and the public.

Even though I hesitated at first, I finally took the job. Receiving looks and critics even before I've done anything. But then, I promised myself to prove that I can do this job.

KLASTIC Yogyakarta and me

KLASTIC is a community of toy camera photographers who are seeking more than just being a part of a trend of plastic cameras. A big community consisting of small groups of people from so many cities across Indonesia. This year, KLASTIC Yogyakarta and I worked together in the making of the annual exhibition of lo-fi photos named "Cirque du Plastic - Animal Instinct". "Cirque du Plastic - Animal Instinct" is a collection of photo series where each artist contributes their own definition and correlation about/with animal instincts in a form of photo stories. We discussed, we executed, we selected and we created. Hopefully we will touch some hearts. In this year's exhibition, not only I became a big part in decision making but also in learning.

Just like animals that rely on their instincts to survive, this community of plastic camera photographers also need to conquer their instincts in order to achieve survival in this digital era.

If you are in Yogyakarta or somewhere near, we would love to see your faces. Especially me, as this is my curatorial debut, it would mean so much if you can come see our hard work.

With love,

Cass.

P.S : RSVP yourself at our Facebook event page! :D

04:43 AM

2011-04-16T20:07:00.004+07:00

This is what it looks like in my kitchen, early morning, at my house. These are the people I live with, Poty Pitoyo and Adegreden. Don't mind my very messy hair. I don't care what I look like at home. Thought I should share this video with you.

Have a nice weekend,

Cass x

P.S: More videos will come soon. But way more serious stuff than this.

An Afternoon With The Kittens

2011-04-09T23:40:00.004+07:00

Here are photos of one afternoon I spent with my new born kittens at home. These 3 sweethearts are an addition to my 4 cats, which totals into 7 cats. They are Milky Way, Charlie Chaplin & Sully Crackers. It was funny taking photos of them, Charlie was so camera shy, whenever the camera points to his way, he'd quickly move. While Sully was so camera curious, he kept on coming close to my lens wondering what's inside it moving backward and forward. Milky was a natural. She's so pretty and fuzzy. She loves the camera and the camera loves her. These kittens will be up for adoption in May, because my family doesn't have the capabilities to raise 7 cats. I will hand them to a friend who is willing, patient and loving. Someone who is an animal lover as much as I am. Click here to see more photos of these cutie pies.

Tiny paw high fives,

Cass x

UPDATE: THESE KITTENS ARE UP FOR ADOPTION NOW. CONTACT ME IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR SOME FURRY COMPANION.

P.S : I couldn't get enough of Patrick Wolf's latest video. It is so beautiful, I want to make something like it.

you make me feel so miserable it's beautiful.

2011-04-03T23:32:00.007+07:00

"i feel nauseous that i can't breath, trying to resist the urge of stomach fillings coming towards the back of my throat.

i feel anxious that i can't count my own heartbeat, it's like a million pounds a second punching through my chest.

i feel cautious that i can't sleep, as if there are eyes watching me and judging me think think think of you.

you make me feel so miserable it's beautiful."

P.S : I could stay on this website for hours. It's perfect for reading or working, or simply for thinking about someone special. Love, Cass.

When I Met MGMT

2011-03-28T19:40:00.010+07:00

The day I heard that MGMT is coming to have a live concert in Indonesia, I was beyond belief. Nowadays, music promotors are currently battling in getting more and more artists into the country. Something that was never in Indonesia's history. Years ago, we'd be going, "Aaah, that band is playing in Singapore. Why aren't they coming over?". Bands, particularly independent bands was once something we'd dream to watch live. Not anymore. As I said, the day I heard that MGMT is coming to have a live concert in Indonesia, I was beyond belief. I've never thought I'd ever get to see them live in this country.

Long story short, here's what happened.

I made friends with some filmmakers from New York who knew MGMT's manager. Got in touch with the manager, email after email, he couldn't arrange anything for me because their "usually flexible" schedule was so freaking full (note this music promotors, they were a bit unhappy about that). I've never chased a celebrity or musician before. But since it was MGMT, I had to. So, I looked and got info about where they were staying and when the press conference was. Waited, but no show unfortunately. In act of desperation, I contacted one of the meet & greet winners, Rain, asking her to tell me where she's gonna meet them. Thankfully she knew who I am and is one of my readers. She agreed to help me out. But at the very last minute, she got a text informing her not to bring anyone or else she would get disqualified from her win. So, I gave up. I wrote a letter to Andrew & Ben, telling them how much I love them and how their music has influenced my life, especially how it helped me writing Letters, Stories & Dreams. Then I asked her to give it to them and get their autographs on my Oracular Spectacular LP.

Went to the concert, had sooo much fun dancing and screaming along every song. The next day, I had to work at the Compound Kick-Off Party for Monka Magic which was 'sort of' an after party. I knew that The Whitest Boy Alive was coming to have a secret performance. But rumors about MGMT coming over was a bit 50-50. Worked all day, met Erlend Oye, met a lot of old friends and was totally off the idea of trying to meet MGMT. Rain came and gave me my signed LP and told me that my letter was well read by them. I was happy enough. Until at 9PM, MGMT came to have dinner upstairs. I rushed as fast as I can with my signed LP and my camera.

Andrew wasn't there unfortunately. But Ben, Matt, James & Will was there with their manager and crew. I gave Ben a pat and he looked at me and said 'Hey what's up?'. I asked him if he got my letter. He remembered me, and told the guys, 'this is Cassandra who wrote the letter'. While standing up, he held my hand and said 'I think it's so cool that you wrote a book' then he stood behind me with the guys and had a photo taken with me.

A while after thanking them, I went back downstairs and found their manager. Talked a bit and he told me how exhausted everyone was, which was the reason Andrew wasn't there that night.

"For Cassandra" - Andrew VanWyngarden

Will Berman, Ben Goldwasser

Matthew Asti

I was so happy, that now one of my favorite musicians and people, acknowledges me and knows who I am and what I do. It's anything a fan could ever dream of. Thank you Andrew, Ben, James, Will, Jeroen & Mark. I'll never forget this.

With love,

Cass x

P.S : Erlend Oye told my sister that he likes her. It was cool. And shout out to Rain, thanks so much for being awesome! You still have my silver marker though.

Blog Layout Tutorials

2011-03-21T19:32:00.007+07:00

Okay, firstly, thanks for those who think my new blog layout is freaking awesome (of course it is, I'm awesome). But I'm getting tired of questions about how I made it, while it only took me 10 minutes to do. I did not use any special programs or downloaded anything, it was made just by using the Blogger Template Designer which is very easy to use. But just saying that doesn't seem enough, so I decided to help you people out with these simple steps. And I also made a tutorial on how to make something like my awesome header (hahaha). Enjoy! And I'll be expecting your 'thank yous'

Love,

Cass x

P.S: Click on the linked texts to see the print screens.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How to create a justified blog layout:

1. Click Design on your home blog page.

2. Click on Template Designer.

3. Pick your template of choice, choose a background, choose the colors at the Advanced tab, and to choose the layout, simply click on the Layout tab and customize! You can see in the pic which layout choices I made.

4. Click APPLY TO BLOG.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How to create pages on your blog:

1. Click New Post on your home blog page.

2. Click Edit Pages.

3. Click New Page. Voila! Start creating your pages now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How to create something like my blog header:

1. Open Adobe Photoshop. Any version will do. I use Adobe Photoshop CS2 (I'm so old fashioned, I know)

2. Open a photo of your choice.

3. Create a new layer.

4. Click on the paint bucket tool (a), make sure the selected layer is not the background (b), then click on the photo (c).

5. Type something awesome.

6. Select the text layer & the painted layer (a) and then merge them (b, c).

7. Once you've merged them, it's time to do the magic. Click on the magic wand tool.

8. Click Add to selection, then start clicking on all the letters in your text until it looks like this.

9. Click the eraser tool and then start erasing the text. Once done, it will look like this.

10. Feeling the placing isn't right? Just move your text around using the move tool.

11. Done? Crop it!

12. Flatten the image and save. Your awesome text is done!

13. Upload your creation and leave a link in the comment box bellow so I can check it out :D

Dreams

2011-03-16T22:37:00.006+07:00

There's a quote I really like by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, it goes:

"Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it."

You see, I am one of those people who dreams endlessly until every small detail of a goal. In my imagination of achieving dreams, I'd make up a whole story of how I achieve them. Like one of my dreams to continue my art studies in San Francisco; in my head, it's not that simple. I'd imagine sending my portfolio, which photos to send and how I arrange them. Then I'd imagine actually getting feedback for my work, maybe something like "wow Cassandra, these photos are splendid!". Hmm, what's next? Of course I'd make it seem as if I got a letter in the mail which states my acceptance into a very prestigious art institute or university. I'd jump off my ass and dance around with joy. Then it doesn't stop there either. I'd arrange a farewell party my friends would come to. I'd be in dilemma deciding stuff I should bring or leave back home. It would suddenly be the day I'm suppose to leave, I'd imagine myself dragging a huge suitcase across the airport ground with a heart pounding so hard I couldn't believe that it is really happening. I'd hug every single person that came to say goodbye while crying and nodding at their 'good lucks' and 'I'll miss yous'. And then the final waves adieu, before I know it I'll be on the plane to continue a much bigger dream and achieve a bigger goal.

Friends, I have just BOLDLY applied for a scholarship to continue my photography major in San Francisco. Boldly? Yes boldly, because frankly I can't afford going now. But so far, things are looking pretty good. Please wish me all the luck you can ever wish for! There is nothing in the world I want more than this. (Except marrying Andrew VanWyngarden).

The thing is, I could imagine anything at all, but I can't imagine what happens when dreams come true.

With love,

Cass x

Kitty Cats Inked!

2011-02-07T22:54:00.006+07:00

Hello hello fellows! What's up with everyone? If you're interested to know what's up with me, I'm pretty much great! Everything has gone so well for me and I have so many exciting projects ahead of me this year. Which will be up on this blog sooner or later :-D

So anyway, I have a new roommate, she moved in a couple weeks ago. She's my age, also in college and she has A LOT of tattoos. Checking out her tattoos made me envious and then I remembered that my last tattoo of my dad was 2 years ago in 2009. Oh man I was craving for a new tattoo so bad............... Then today, I spontaneously made a quick decision, NEW TATTOOS TODAY!

I had so many images that I wanted to inked on my body, I almost made 'The Blindman's Bluff' image that was one of the images on Sigur Rós' ( ) album. But I thought that it was too dark and I've never made a colored tattoo before. So then I decided to make some kind of tribute to my five cats at home. I browsed quickly and found cute illustrations by Sarah McKevitt, emailed her immediately and then made the tattoos on both my forearms. The tattoo artist is Eric Agathon from Jolly Roger tattoo studio in Jogjakarta :-)

Swelling skin :-S

Who are these lovely cats of mine? On my left forearm, there is Tim-Tam, she is the oldest cat, mama cat, the queen of the household. She's had so many babies throughout her stay with us at home. Out of so many, we kept four of them, which are on my right forearm. Above is PJ, he has a halo above his head, symbolizing the angel. He died from sickness last year. Then, there's Peanut & Jonsi, which are the lovers, that's why they have hearts above em. Lastly, there's Tooth. He is the smallest, youngest and most dependable comparing to his brothers & sister, which I'd say, he's the confused, symbolized by the question mark.

This is Tooth, the confused.

These are Peanut & Jonsi, the lovers.

There you have it. My cats, inked on my arms, to be there forever!

P.S: Click here to see the whole series of photos from today's tattoo session!!

Honesty

2011-01-29T22:39:00.003+07:00

I have been thinking a lot about honesty these past few days. I think I have come to a point in my life where I've learned from my own experiences, where those experiences of mine contradicts most of things I've been taught through out my childhood until my recent 20s. And one of em is about honesty.

We were all raised to understand the knowledge of right and wrong, good and bad, and so many other ways to say it. One of many, we were raised to know that being honest is the most noble trait we can have and our honesty shall be rewarded with blessings. In my case, I was raised simply to know that lying is bad. Once I grew a little and entered a muslim school in Indonesia, I learned that lying is a sin. But then, just as I turned into a teenager, I made friends with my rebellion side, as many of us do, not all of us, but definitely most of us. We lie to get or achieve certain things we want or probably need.

This post is about honesty. So I'm not going too deep into lies and betrayal, or else I might have to make a horrible judgmental post, no one wants that I assume?

I really need to get this thought off my chest. These past years, I've been feeling that instead of gaining some kind of reward or blessing, honesty has in fact brought me trouble! I wonder what's up with that. I'm thinking of sharing some of my experiences in this matter, I hope you don't mind reading.

First I shall tell a little story about my current relationship. My boyfriend and I are like best friends, we tell each other about everything, well at least I do. Honesty is a MUST trait in any relationship, right? I'm pretty confident that our relationship posses that trait. However though, sometimes, honest comments hurt, don't you think? Here's a story. My boyfriend, like any men on earth, just CAN'T deny the fact if there's a presence of a beautiful girl. Pffft, men! I know right! Firstly, the comments comes as jokes. I'd hear him say about some random girl, "Ah, she's so cute", and I'll show my agreement when "she" really is. And he would tease me for days about that girl. Trying to get me jealous? Or not? I really don't know. But when one girl becomes two, then three, then I am completely jealous and annoyed by 10-15 girls. Those poor girls, he made me think of them as bitches even though they have done nothing wrong! The thing is, I'm not only jealous (and I'm usually not a jealous kind of girlfriend anyway), however though, it makes me feel ugly, makes me feel less cute, makes me feel insecure. And definitely makes me think "what if he leaves me for one of those cute bitches?". So honesty about other sexual attractions isn't a blessing for me. But hiding it and lying about it also sucks! So now what?

Another relationship story. I'm sure most of you know my last relationship. That relationship had to end due to honesty. I had to find out the hard way by listening to his honest confession about his exhaustion of our long distance relationship. He was honest. But I was left hurt and I've never felt more alone and lied to ever in my life! That is definitely not a blessing. Not a blessing on his part either as we had to break up and he had his name written in a book sold all over Indonesia. Hahaha. Pardon me, I didn't mean to sound evil, you know I didn't.

When it comes to family, honesty hasn't brought me that much of blessings either. Well, some did, in a long long long run, I have to admit that. But here's one case. Remember my college screw-up last year? Mmmhmm, I'm sure you remember. I'll never forget it either. Honesty creeps me out you know. It took me two years to finally confess to my mother about my unhappiness in college. Whoa, there was a bomb, almost literally. As she screamed to my face for hours (well, she screamed because I had terrible grades actually not the honest part). But still, after all the hard work she has done in order to get me into a decent university, how could I be honest? Tell her, "umm mom, sorry, but apparently I hate college". I couldn't. I tried though! I told her the truth in my book. I wrote a whole chapter for her. She called me crying, but it didn't change anything. This problem is shared by many out there, having parents forcing you into schools or into beliefs you're not quite sure of. But where will honesty bring you? Our conservative parents can't handle honesty. Our honesty is like betrayal in their eyes don't you agree? Not a blessing. Just trouble.

Lastly, to you, my readers. Wow, where do I start? You people are what made me get into this whole idea about how honesty is the satan's work just to put me in misery. Hahaha. If you have read my book, I'm sure you have found how honest I am. There is nothing I hide. I have been receiving praises about that. About how my book is probably one of the most honest books that could be written by an Indonesian teenager. But it has also caused many hate mails and critics from those who feel utterly grossed out by my honesty. Some say I'm promoting free sex, smoking and alcohol to youngsters. When in fact, I never wrote once in my book about me having sex. And about smoking and alcohol, I was just honest. And I'm already a legal age anyway when I started smoking and drinking. That's who I am, that's how most kids in Jakarta are. It's the inconvenient truth, indeed. But I refuse to be said that I'm actually supporting kids to have sex carelessly, smoke ciggs and drink alcohol underage. That is the exact opposite of what I've wrote in my book! Another not so blessed outcome from my honesty.

You're aware of Formspring.me right? Well this website has made it easier for my readers to ask any kind of questions to me directly and I always have a couple hours a day to answer them. Still, also always trying to be completely honest in answering. But then, when I answer some questions with my personal opinions about certain topics, such as religion, virginity, piracy, alcohol, drugs, etc., I always get angry hateful responses! Why? I'm just being honest here people, would you prefer me lying instead? I can if you want me to. And then, before I know it, I might lose a bunch of readers due to my honest answers and opinions. Yet another proof my honesty that isn't rewarded with blessings.

I'm not stupid, of course. I know honesty is a good trait. I know which honest comments are meant to be said and which really aren't. People have feelings. I know that. I am consciously careful about everything I say. I really am. But look now, honesty has brought painful comebacks to me and also to others. Just as painful as deceptions & lies. So when it comes to being honest about feelings, is it just better to hide them? You know, just in order to protect yourself and others? Try telling me that honesty will reward you in a long run, in some way, karma will get to you. I've heard that and I'm still waiting for some proof.

My last question sounds stupid doesn't it? But please do send some feedback. Try not leave hurtful ones, I'm just being honest :-)

P.S: I hate blogs without photos! So here's photobooth shots of me and my man. We would look so good if we made a duo indie band wouldn't we? We're having our anniversary next month x

Happy New Year Everyone!

2010-12-31T13:39:00.010+07:00

Remember to hide your drunk face from cameras tonight, avoid humiliation the next morning :p

2010 just flew away so fast! Unbelievable don't you think? Last year at this exact moment, I was dealing with the worst break-up of my life (hopefully ever). I travelled Bali alone and met awesome people on the way then found inspiration to finish writing Letters, Stories & Dreams. Today I have pretty much recovered. Made much more new friends over the past year and also got myself into an art institute that will help me train my creativity. If you come up to me and ask how was my year, I'd probably answer it went uneventful. But I'd be lying. Because I had my first book published which was the best part of 2010. Met most of my readers at the launching event, then got myself recognized at malls and other public places (awkward but fun!). I also moved to a new house in Jogjakarta, where I'm more closer to friends and I'm almost never lonely. Hmm what else.. Oh! My family saved 3 kittens this year, now they're all grown up, fat and lazy, and most importantly, very happy. (I'll post some photos of them sometime). All in all, I have received so much love this year. From family, from friends, from boyfriend, from pets and from YOU! So thank you all for still sticking with me after all these years! If you STILL haven't read "Letters, Stories & Dreams", you should get yourself a copy in 2011. And by the way, I finally made a Facebook page. So you better like me on Facebook and get all access to photos I've never published before (if you want to of course!).

With love,

Cass.

P.S : PARTY SAFE Y'ALL!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!!!!!

I'm Now 21 Years Old

2010-11-27T00:17:00.004+07:00

Today is my 21st birthday.

Happy birthday me!!

Is Paul Really Dead?

2010-11-16T17:12:00.010+07:00

Last week, my boyfriend came across a conversation about an urban legend about Beatle Paul McCartney's death in 1966. At first, I was like, whaaaaat? no way. But then he insisted me to start a research on Google about this conspiracy. "Paul is dead" is an urban legend alleging that Paul McCartney died in 1966 and was secretly replaced by a look-alike in order to keep The Beatles "alive". In September 1969, American college students published articles claiming that clues to McCartney's death could be found among the lyrics and artwork of The Beatles' recordings. So I began research with my boyfriend one night, then after hours of reading, I found myself crying tears to bits finding all sort of clues that were terrifying.

As I kept reading, the more clues I discovered, the more I cried, the more I started to drown into belief that Paul is indeed dead! But is that even possible? Could this just be a little joke The Beatles are playing on us? I hope so, shit man, I really do. It all started after Paul McCartney's car accident in 1966 after an argument with the other Beatles, his well-being after the crash brought up questions, then the Beatles fans started making up clues from the Abbey Road cover art which symbolizes different aspects on death and is pointing towards the fact that their trying to tell us fans that they buried Paul.

The story:

On 9 November 1966 at dawn (presumably around 5AM), McCartney had angrily driven off in his car after an argument during a recording session. Whilst on the way he picked up a fan, Rita, who needed a ride home. Then, he crashed the car, cracked his head open and died as a result. To spare the public from grief, the Beatles replaced him with ‘William Campbell’ or 'Billy Shears', the winner of a McCartney look-alike contest a few years before the accident. It was said that their record label made them to do so in order to keep their careers alive as living legend The Beatles. Due to guilt to lying to their fans about Paul's death, John, George and Ringo (and probably a few close friends who knew about the death) left clues on their album covers, lyrics, music videos, movies, simply everywhere! So we, the fans, would come play the game and figure it out eventually that Paul McCartney is actually really dead.

The first clues:

The famous Abbey Road cover has been said is the ultimate proof of the bizzare theory of the time - that Paul McCartney was in fact dead. Since the Abbey Road cover was said to hid clues to the untold story of the Beatles, it has become one of the most iconic covers in history, spawning such conspiracy theories still being talked for decades.

1. THE FUNERAL

The procession of The Beatles across the zebra crossing, say the conspiracy theorists, represents Paul's funeral.

John Lennon leads in a white suit and symbolises the preacher; Ringo Starr is the mourner or possibly the undertaker, dressed in black; George Harrison, in scruffy shirt and trousers, denotes the grave-digger; Paul is wearing an old suit and is the only one who is barefoot, walking on a hot tarmac. This, they argued, was a sign that Paul was the corpse.

2. THE CIGARETTE

Paul McCartney is left-handed, but here holds his cigarette in his right hand. At the time, cigarettes were commonly referred to as 'coffin nails'. This, therefore, could be seen as a message that Paul's 'coffin lid' had been nailed down and that the man in the picture was a lookalike.

Paul is also out of step with the other band members. Each of the others has his left leg forward, but Paul has his right leg forward - again marking him out as different.

3. THE REGISTRATION PLATE

The white VW Beetle in the background has the registration LMW 28IF - 28 being the age conspiracy theorists say Paul would have been IF he hadn't 'died'. It has also been suggested that the LMW stands for 'Linda McCartney Weeps' - referring to his new wife whom he had married earlier that year.

4. THE SPECTATORS

In the background, a small group of people dressed in white stand on one side of the road, while a lone person stands on the other.

Is this meant to be Paul, alone and different from the others?

5. THE POLICE VAN

On the right-hand side of the road is a black police van, believed to be a reference to the police who kept quiet about Paul's 'death'.

According to legend, the band's manager, Brian Epstein, bought their silence, and the presence of the Maria is meant as another subtle thank you.

6. THE LINE OF CARS

A line can be traced from the VW Beetle to the three cars in front of it. If it is drawn connecting their right wheels it runs straight through Paul's head, with theorists suggesting that means Paul sustained a head injury because of a car crash.

7. THE BLOODSTAIN

On the Australian version of the album, the cover showed what could be a bloodstain splattered on the road just behind Ringo and John, supposedly backing claims of a road accident.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As crazy as all of above sounds, it is not even close to ALL the clues many have found, the most creepy part is, all these clues are reoccurring clues, like the right-handed Paul and the weird differences between him & the other Beatles, also odd signs that seem to portray a headless McCartney, symbols of death and car crash clues also occur. It's fucking mad, even I'm starting to believe the conspiracy I sobbed every time I read more and more occurring clues. And so goes on my research when I found this website, Officially Pronounced Dead?, dedicated to this legendary conspiracy. It has been driving me crazy, I couldn't even close my eyes when I take a shower, I'm too terrified. I recommend you to check it out, read all the clues from: album covers, lyrics, reversed songs, music videos and other clues. Once you're done, leave me a comment about how you feel and what you think about it. Is Paul McCartney really dead?

P.S: The Beatles has been a huge part of my family, my dad used to sing their songs to me & my sister everyday, we were fans since we were in mommy's tummy probably. Most of my favorite songs were written by Lennon & McCartney. Throughout the last years of my dad's life, we still sang together as a family. "All My Loving" was our family anthem.

P.P.S : Really, click the link, please! I'll be waiting for you geniuses to hit me back with your thoughts. Ciao.

Likes/Dislikes

2010-11-05T16:21:00.011+07:00

It's been another month since I last blogged. A few days ago I went to watch The Social Network and the urge of blogging came back to me. (Wow, I totally loved that movie! People stated in reviews that after watching The Social Network, we'll never see Facebook the same way again, I agree completely). Yeah, I've lost my will to blog, unfortunately.

So, about the natural disasters washing away people in my country, I hope it ends soon. Sending useless tweets and creepy text messages is stupid, so I decided to keep silent and pray the right way which is from the heart, not from the internet. The Merapi eruption thankfully hasn't affected me or my friends, my house though is full with sand and dust which will need much cleaning after this ends. I am now safe in Jakarta, my hometown, waiting on the news 24/7. My family is keeping me here until it is safe enough to go back. Even though actually I really wish to fly back asap, however the airport in Jogjakarta has been closed for days. For those struggling with the natural disasters in Jogjakarta, Magelang, Mentawai, Wasior and all over this country, I wish you strength and safety. May God be with you and your loved ones. Ciao :-)

P.S : This little pussy cat will turn 21 years old by the end of this month. She's super excited her birthday is coming up :-p

photo was taken in November, 1993 on my fourth birthday

A Great Excuse To Wear A Fancy Coat

2010-10-17T15:30:00.012+07:00

On a freezing Melbourne's winter day, me & family went to the snowy Mount Buller to say hello to a long time friend, the white snow. (Does this intro sound like an english essay to you? The ones you'd write after a holiday and you're back in school. "My Holiday" lol). It began with a long ride by bus to the top of the mountain. The view was lovely. As a teenager who grew up in a tropical country, it's mind blowing to see so much white on the roads, on the trees, as far as our eyes could see, all white.

When we arrived, me and my sister started a snowball fight which was hilarious and fun at first, the next thing we realized our feet were freezing because we made a bad decision wearing Converse sneakers on a snowy day. Meaning: Our shoes got so wet it was almost soaking ice water. Then came lunch, a nice plate of spaghetti meat balls with a cup of hot chocolate. I'd prefer a shot of whisky to get warm, but it was a childly trip, no alcohol was permitted, bummer. Then an occasionally playtime with the cousins, tried to go snowboarding but it was an epic failure because we were running out of time.

Just as we went back to the city, I immediately called another long time friend, Chitra Ananda, who is currently studying in Melbourne. She was so cool to be available and picked me up as soon as possible to my hotel and took me around the block. We had beers and had a long girl talk about the usual, boys and bitches. Then what would it be if you don't take photos with old friends? A stupid mistake. So even though it was just the two of us, we managed to take advantage of the self-timer on both our pocket cameras, and took... umm.. horrible photos. But I think we still look pretty cute =3

P.S : Wondering if Chitra is doing fine over there.. Are you? :-)

Koalas Are Huggers, So Am I

2010-08-24T21:16:00.011+07:00

Before this summer, I've never been to Australia before. Well, I was raised in New Zealand and moved around a lot throughout it's two islands. But even though Australia and NZ are like sisters, I have never ever been to Oz. But then, this summer came and I was thrilled when family decided to go under for our holiday break from school and work.

Sydney was awesome. Like, sorry Sydney residents, but I totally underestimated the city before I came. Thought it would be ordinary. But wow, I was really pleased there. The city was so tidy it looked so artsy. We arrived early morning and on the way to the Opera House, people were running and walking their dogs. Some were holding coffee cups and rushing somewhere. And oh! There were cute little vintage houses all across the streets, it was so nice to see in the middle of a big city like Sydney! Too bad I was too busy being amazed I didn't get any photographs of the cute houses, I really should've! Sorry.

The Opera House

We were only in Sydney for a day and next day we traveled by bus to Brisbane then to Gold Coast. On the trip, we met so many interesting people. And wow, there are so many Indonesians in that country! Hahaha. It was odd walking down a street of another country and hear someone behind you say "Ah! Bete banget gue, masa dia nggak punya kesadaran sama sekali sih?!"*. I was like, am I at Pondok Indah Mall** or something? Hahahaha. Weird but funny experience. In Gold Coast, me and cousins went out a lot. We stayed for four nights and there weren't much to do if we stayed laying in the hotel. Every night, there'd be a different funny story. And it was during the 2010 FIFA World Cup, so I definitely had to watch the matches! (I rooted for Spain and was sooooo happy when they won the championship!). So those funny stories I mentioned, includes a drunk man throwing water bottles at my cousin and aunt, then another drunk dude sort of hitting on my sister but in an odd way, then another drunken night in my hotel room where my cousins, uncles and aunts gathered in my hotel room and took advantage of the only smoking-allowed floor. Now after I wrote this, I just realized that every funny story I mentioned had something to do with alcohol. But anyhow, let's move on.

Beautiful beach of Gold Coast

Drinking in my room - Before

Drinking in my room - After! LOL

In Gold Coast, we went whale watching, which was aaaamaazing! Hand downs, one of the most beautiful scenes I've ever seen. Watching the whales migrate from Aussie's cold winter weather to somewhere warmer. They were lovely. Then we went to two theme parks. Dreamworld and Movie World. I wasn't really enjoying Dreamworld that much until the end of the day when I met the cutest kangaroos out of cages and wandering around the animal park. Allowing us to interact directly with them. We could pat them too! Some were even kangaroo mothers with babies in their pouch. Then I met Jake. Jake is a three year old koala. As I've learned, koalas love to hug. And Jake was a big hugger. And I'm also a big hugger. So after taking some photos, it was hard to let go of each other. Hee hee, I'm such an animal person. Meeting all the animals totally made my day.

Jake the hugging lover koala

The Superman Escape

Me, enjoying the best snack in the world, Churros!

But then Movie World was definitely the highlight of my Aussie trip. The climax of my holiday. Me and my sister, Sky, are roller coaster junkies. As matter of fact, we are "adrenaline booster" junkies. When it comes to theme parks, we would ride anything that looks scary. You name it. We've been traveling a lot growing up and every time we encounter a roller coaster or anything that looks death challenging, we'd take a chance to put the experience into our long resume of freaky rides. So at Movie World, we went nuts and went on every scary ride. The Superman Escape roller coaster was definitely scary, it was so fast I could feel my cheeks shudder crazily. But, that day, I rode the scariest roller coaster I've ever came across. Lethal Weapon roller coaster. It was more petrifying than Space Mountain and Tower of Terror which were at on top of my list. Me and Sky spent 2 hours of standing in line to ride Lethal Weapon, but only 1 minute on the roller coaster and then when we got off, we literally couldn't talk because the rush just wasn't out of our system yet. And me? Other than almost peeing in pants, I walked wobbly towards the exit. I couldn't keep my legs straight! It was hilarious!

P.S: Next post, stories about when I went to Melbourne and more photos to come with it. Stay tuned. Hugs.

* A sentence in Indonesian, casual language used by most Indonesians. Translation: "Ah! I'm so annoyed, how could he not have any consciousness?!"

** Pondok Indah Mall is one of the hippest malls in Jakarta, Indonesia.

CONFESSION

2010-08-18T20:03:00.006+07:00

Hello everyone. It's been a wild holiday for me. And I have a huge confession to make to you all, my loyal readers. I hope you read this, and read this well, because this is a VERY important post.

I am a normal human being. I make mistakes, some are small like forgetting to pay the bills or lying about my height. Some are huge, like getting drunk and sleeping around or stealing what is not mine. Please, be alarmed, but don't be shocked and naive, because yes, I am a normal human being. I'm like you, I also have people I look up to and people I wish I could be. As if being myself isn't enough.

I have been taunted and called names. I've also been cursed and accused with adjectives I truly despise. Why and by whom you may ask. Well here it is. My confession.

These past two years, you, my readers, my family and my friends, know me as who I portray on a daily basis. A young photographer and writer, who happens to be a wee bit well known on the internet, who is a lucky lady that gets to travel and share stories, who is a philosophy student at one of the most prestigious universities in southeast Asia. That is 100% true. However, as I said before, I am a human being. I have flaws and imperfections.

Just a month or perhaps two (I've lost track of time) before this date, my mother, who is a single parent, received a letter from my university informing her that I have failed almost all my classes and am threatened to be dropped out from the academy. As if she isn't horrified enough by that news, there's something that made it worse, which is the fact that she had absolutely no clue that this was happening, because for 3 semesters that I've been studying there, I lied to her face and sent fake transcripts so she'll never find out. The truth is, I didn't go to my classes most of the time just because of my selfishness. Just because I felt uncomfortable of doing something I didn't want. So she ended up shocked and furiously angry.

I didn't mean to lie. Really. I felt so bad, so I tried to cover it up. But as most of us know, lying brings us no where, because no matter how much we try to cover it, the truth always come out eventually. And as for another confession, I've done this before, I've already failed my classes back in high school. And was forced to move to another high school to complete my studies. So, there I was, guilty. And there she was, feeling that I have yet again betrayed her trust.

Why? I was acting up, I guess. I have dreamt of going overseas to continue my education since I was 9. And not being able to fulfill that dream now has created a lazy monster in me that feels like I'm wasting my time. I'm wrong of course.

Disgusted and terrified by my behavior and my ongoing mistakes, I was called a liar, a manipulative person and a hypocrite. Because of who I am, because of who YOU know I am. I was said that all I care about is popularity and my image of this perfect little girl who seems to have everything and can do anything and can move on from any mistake. BUT I'M NOT. And I am very confident to say that I don't give a shit about popularity and whatever image. I am here today to write this and prove that I really don't care and that I am not a hypocrite.

Honestly, I am utterly embarrassed of my failure. My failure as a child, as a student, and as a role model to most young ladies who've been reading my blog for these past years. But I am not ashamed to admit my mistake and admit that I'm human. This is who I am. Hello, maybe we should start over.

As to my success since early this year becoming a best selling book author, I have been receiving comments, emails, messages and even tweets from readers all over Indonesia and some from other countries, notifying me that I have inspired, that I have touched, that I have motivated and have moved some hearts. I apologize, I apologize to everyone for not being able to fill your expectations of me. And if now you read this, if you find yourself disappointed and repulsed by my honesty, I also apologize deeply. I apologize if apparently I am not inspiring, I can not touch or motivate, or maybe move you.

Because, I am hurt too. I am hurt to know everyone knows me as someone else.

So, don't call me a hypocrite. Because I am not ashamed to tell the world my ugliness. Don't call me manipulative, because even though I have portrayed a different persona all this time, at least I've inspired people. Or, that was what they said. I am also mortified to know what a little liar I am. Pretending everything is fine so you can be entertained by my life and my stories. But the fact is, my life sucks. It sucks too, just like yours and anyone else's. We're all the same. And I have NEVER thought that I am slightly better than anyone.

So there it is. My confession. I'm sorry for being a disappointment. But this one is for my mother, who thinks I can't stand up for myself. Well, that might be true, because she's always been there to help me out of my troubles. And Mom, I am grateful for that. Thank you for still being forgiving. I know I have humiliated my mother and that makes me feel completely miserable, even though she thinks that's not true. But, I'm not hiding anymore. And for once, I will prove the accusations wrong. Because I am brave to confess to everyone who I am. I am a failure. I am a failure. I am indeed a failure.

Maybe I'm not good enough to be anyone's inspiration. But I didn't asked to be anyway. I never signed up for that role. I write my life on my blog. And that's it. Now, you can judge me and say whatever you want about me. I don't care and am not shamed a bit.

But no worries, I will not leave you with only this horrible news. Because even though I've failed getting my philosophy degree, thanks to the support from my mom, my boyfriend and my sister, I have fortunately been accepted into Institut Seni Indonesia (Indonesia's Art Institute) to study under the photography major. And will start to continue my education there this September with a promise that I will do better and will no longer disappoint.

I do hope for you to wish me the best of luck. And of course, I also hope for your forgiveness and understanding. Today, I have announced my defeat. But I am proud to let everyone know who I really am. Whoever you think I am is completely your decision, but I am definitely not a hypocrite and am not a perfect "popularity minded" brat.

And just so you know, before I wrote this post, nobody knew about this. Only my mom, my sister and my boyfriend. Oh, yeah, and those damn people who sent the fucking letter to my mom. So, this is a HUGE confession. Goodbye for now, talk to you again in a week or two.

P.S: More good news? As now I am officially a photography student, that means more photos for you will come. I wish you all well :')

Crate Digging

2010-06-02T21:53:00.006+07:00

It's been 3 months and still ongoing since I first started dating my current boyfriend. He is a musician and his passion for music has fascinated me profoundly. But then again, who doesn't love music? Personally, and no, I'm not bluffing to act as if I'm so cool, but I can't live without music. I have never lost eagerness to discover new and old music. However though, I've never realized how limited my knowledge of music is until after I met him. Then after a while, I've found myself tagging along his enthusiasm for vinyl records, which in his words, "remind yourself to buy physical copies of your favorite artists". In other words, appreciate the music artists by purchasing their music. Cassettes, CDs, DVDs, or whatever. In this case, I'm talking about my newest hobby, collecting vinyl records.

Vinyl records, classic, rare, and valuable. The record itself is already a great work of art and then add the awesome music on a high fidelity level meaning you earn a much superior sound, then you get a indescribable feeling of satisfaction. That's how I feel about it more or less in smarts words, but to keep it short, it's simply fun as hell collecting these records. And by introducing you to my newest hobby, I shall introduce you to the crate digging culture. Crate digging is a slang term used by DJs to refer to the activity of checking record stores for old, rare or unusual music on the vinyl format.

And so we did. Me and boyfriend went on a vinyl hunt or cooler to say, we went crate digging! If you've been following my blog for a while you might already know how much I love going to antique stores looking for old crap that pleases me. We went to this road where it sells collector's items from edge to edge. And of course, there are several record stores that sells secondhand records from so many years ago, I'm thinking 30 up to 40 years ago. We had so much fun hunting for records until I couldn't even track time and got so tired at the end of the day. We'd find albums and singles by artists we've both known well but we also use the occasion to discover new artists. Our collection concludes almost any genre we can find from any kind of artists. But also, as a member of the 21st century era, we also collect new records from today's great musicians. You'd probably find some of these records below well friendly to your recognition :-D

My first record was Jónsi's Go, which is the frontman of my favorite band, Sigur Rós. Which is really one of my proudest possessions.

Now this one is brag-worthy. My boyfriend was lucky enough to get a copy of The Radio Dept.'s Clinging To A Scheme from only 1000 copies in the world which sold out immediately after the record came out.

So far, we've collected so many both of us has literally lost count. Some are vintage as result from crate digging some are new records we hunted online (and not to mention, it definitely costs more..... hhhmm). As a new collector, I'm still trying my best to keep my pace and not lose my ground, because it's so addictive and it may cause a real wallet problem. Hahaha. To check out more from his and my collection, click here.

P.S : Check this dude from Dust and Grooves who documents crate diggers from all around the globe.

Something Random To Start Something Awesome.

2010-05-21T21:24:00.005+07:00

It's funny how I claim myself as a writer nowadays, but now I feel like I have no idea what to write. Well, I've got ideas, we all have ideas don't we? It's how we express those ideas into something presentable, that's the real challenge. I have no smart ideas for this post, I'm just trying to keep my promise to keep this blog alive with stories and photos.

As I'm writing this, I'm reading emails from readers of this blog, which mostly asked "How are you Cass? What's new?". So, here's an answer. I'm great. Very great actually. As my book, "Letters, Stories & Dreams" has been announced as a Best Seller. Which truly touches me and flatters me more anything, it is so far my biggest achievement. Besides that, I have a boyfriend now. Which I haven't mentioned before, because of course it's weird to mention that here and you know why I'm sure. And due to past experiences, I choose not to say his name. To keep his privacy and of course mine. But just so you know, he's awesome and he makes me happy.

What's new. Hmm. I went to Camera Obscura's concert a couple months ago with some friends. The concert was... umm, pretty dull actually. Not much came and the venue kinda sucked for their genre, so people were sitting around, so was I. However though, a friend of mine was nice enough to help me get backstage and meet the band in person. It was cool, but it was hard to have a conversation with them because they were busy signing albums and stuff for people, but at least I got a chance to take a photo with Tracyanne, the lead vocalist and she was very sweet about it.

I've also started having photo sessions again, like the good old days when I was still hot into photography. Here is behind the scenes photos of For The Flame Beneath Your Bridge's LXX.VII photoshoot. Their album is out now and you can ask via Twitter (@ftfbybofficial) where to get it near your location. It's one of the most anticipated albums in Indonesia this year. And it's awesome shit ;)

We had to wake up at 5 am in the morning for the shoot. And I'm definitely not a morning person. So I was pretty cranky during the whole thing. But the photos turned out great and suited their passion of music and art. So, I'm proud to be part of it, even though all I did was... just hanging around. Here's one of the final photos from a whole cool series.

Introducing LXX.VII ;)

That's it. For now. But don't worry, I've still got a whole lot to tell you, I just want to save em up for the next post. I don't want to bore you with too many stories in one post, and I'm also preventing the possibility of running out of stuff to tell. Help me out then, tell me what you want to read. What you want me to post. It will be helpful!

Hope you're all okay out there. Oh and for those who just graduated junior high and senior high, CONGRATS! I'm very much excited for you and your future ahead. Hugs and kisses!

Hello. I'm Sorry.

2010-05-07T07:36:00.002+07:00

Dear loyal readers,

I'm sorry for abandoning my blog for quite a while. I have no better excuse than to say that I am currently feeling uncreative and uninspired to write and take photos. I sure hope you understand.

I will come back to my usual updating basis by next week (Second week of May 2010). I've got a bunch of photos and stories craving to be shared with you. I swear and I promise.

Thank you for coming back again and again. I might not know you, but I love you.

Hugs,
Cassey.

P.S : And I shall reply your comments again like I usually do.

My Personal Philosophy About The L Word

2010-03-14T21:47:00.004+07:00

Love is weird, and odd, actually. I think I've fallen into it, a few times now. I think I've fallen out of it, a few times now, also. But now I know, I no longer think. I had no idea, and still don't. (But deep inside, I'm sure of an idea, that I've known a love so eternal I can't let it go, yet again, it's just an idea.)

You know, when you have this feeling, it's like the end of everything. You see them, and you think to yourself, "This, this is the one." You feel their touch, and you think to yourself, "This, this is perfect." How could you be so sure? Of this feeling, of love? You make assumptions and you dream dreams of the right person at the right time with the right amount dedication. But who is right? When is right? How much is right?

There is no right. That's it. You will hear the phrase "Nobody's perfect." three thousand times and you taste barf right against the back of your throat.

At one point, the right person will soon show flaws. Even though you swore to always love them for exactly what they are. But the flaws exists and you secretly wish you could do something about them. Or perhaps, they came too soon or maybe too late. Wow, bad timing. Too soon, you haven't gained enough knowledge to know that this person IS in fact perfect, you just couldn't see it yet, and regret it in the future. Or too late, when you've grown into a mature version of yourself where your principles are solid and no longer are able to be changed even a tiny bit, and oh you wish they'd come a little bit sooner. But maybe, the person could be right and they stepped into the picture right on time, yet, they simply don't love you as much as you love them. Or at least as much as you expected, as much as it feels "right".

As for personal experience, I'm sure you stand exactly where I stand. We've been there, we've done that. We meet the right people, but then we scare them away. While others think we are right for them, but it wasn't the right timing for us to understand that. And then we got scared away.

And there it is. The three things we always blame. The person, the time, the amount of dedication. The three things we blame for us "falling out of love", the three things we blame for ruining whatever we felt. When all those lovely thoughts, "This is the one, this is perfect" fades away. We fall out of love. And weirdly, and oddly, we move on.

But it's love, for heaven's sake. Love knows no boundaries. There is no such thing as 'falling out of love'. If you think you've fallen out of it, you probably never have been in it.

P.S : A new photo series coming up for the next post. Hugs!

..And then I became a writer. Officially.

2010-03-13T19:06:00.002+07:00

It was a hectic morning, February 13th. I wondered whether 13 the date was my lucky 13. I was haunted all night, thinking no one would show up to the official release of my first book. I feel like a nobody, who would come? I woke up surprisingly early. I usually never wake up before 12, but there I was awake, losing my mind, because Mom & my sister, Sky, still haven't decided what to wear. They were really, literally, driving me crazy. That morning, all I wanted was a boost of confidence, optimism and a huge cup of coffee.

After getting our wardrobe picked out, I grabbed that huge cup of coffee and we headed straight to the saloon. I had to get some make up done, as blemishes were growing massively on my cheeks. I've never had so much acne since junior high school. I was on the early days of my period and yeah, I was also stressing out, I guess. I felt so ugly, I needed a professional make up artist to hide those gross puberty evidence. Puberty ey? I thought I just turned 20 years old.

Mom & I got haircuts, Sky got her hair done too, into something that looks just similar as how it looks everyday. My make up session ended just about time, 30 minutes before my schedule to be on stage at Pejaten Village. The event took place in the main atrium of the damn mall. It freaked me out all morning. Still, the thought in my head, "What if no one shows up?"

Before I knew it, there I was. On stage. Staring at people who were smiling excitingly as they hear me speak. My personality faded away behind my embarrassment. I turned into this shy little lady, no words were able to come out from my mouth. As I am only able to speak out lame jokes to answer the commentator who keeps on asking weird questions, everyone seems to look... disappointed. But then the ice broke eventually and I got finally got comfortable after perhaps, 6 or maybe 7 questions.

People came. I was surprised. Blog readers, twitter followers. It was bizarrely wonderful. And as the event goes on, my friends kept showing up. High school friends, junior high school classmates, other bloggers, old friends I've known for years, even new friends I've only known through the internet. That secret guy I've been dating for a month now also came. (Please don't ask for details, we're only dating, casually).

The book signing session was the most delightful part of the night. Who knew, people ACTUALLY wanted my autograph? And they also wanted photos taken with me. ME? It was beyond magical. At an instant moment, I felt a bit like a celebrity. It was so fun. Autograph after autograph, photo after photo. Exhausting but fabulous. Too bad though, I got too excited, I forgot that my phone was on the book signing table, and I left it there unsupervised. My new Blackberry smartphone that I just bought 3 days ago. And boom, just like that, it vanished, into the hands of the fucking stealer. But I guess it was a sign, a sign that I didn't need a Blackberry and that my book would be selling good.

As soon as I realized my Blackberry was missing, I panicked, and then the event had to end. I regretted ending the event so soon, as later I found out that so many people came late and didn't get a chance to meet me. For that, if you're one of them, I'm deeply sorry. I hope you understand, and perhaps, we'll have a chance to meet again for my next book? :)

I lost a phone but I gained so much more. I am officially a writer, my book is in book stores all over the country, and wow don't I have the greatest readers in the world?!So far, the book has been selling in a great amount. Sold out in a few places already. Looks like a great start! I've been blessed, and I'm so very thankful. I'm thankful for this awesome opportunity and I'm thankful for you.

P.S : Find reviews about my book all over the internet. Google "Letters, Stories, & Dreams". Hope you've got my book already, if you haven't, aw that's a pity, you really should! x

BOOK LAUNCH: Letters, Stories, & Dreams by ME!!

2010-02-10T02:43:00.004+07:00

The day has come! I am now officially a writer and omg I am dangerously excited I might go crazy soon.

I've been trying so bad to hide all the details about my upcoming book from you, but the emails, tweets, comments, etc., kept pouring in. It was so hard not to tell you about this book, it was killing me! So, just so you know, because of your lack of patience, my book publisher and I finally decided to end all the delays and get the book out NOW. And just like that, we got a date. (And worked our asses off to get this book as perfect as possible and available for you as soon as possible). If it turns out that this book sucks, I blame you for not being patient! Hahaha, no just kidding :p

"Letters, Stories, & Dreams" is the title of my first book. Why that for a title? You may ask. Because this book is a collection of all my journal entries, blog posts, and personal letters all collected into one book in a "novel" type arrangement. It took me almost 9 months to write and compile. It's pretty much a long story about everything I've been through and ever dreamt of for the past couple of years. Might sound a bit narcissistic, huh? Yeah, I thought so too. But it's definitely worth the try, why not?

The book is written in Bahasa Indonesia, which is of course a bit unfortunate for my readers who don't speak Indonesian. How ever though, if this book shows good potential, we might translate it and go international! Just wish me luck.

The most important thing that you, my lovely reader, must know, is the fact that this book, IS WRITTEN FOR YOU. Yes. This book is dedicated to YOU, for always being there to read my cheesy stories on this blog and actually getting to know me after all this time. You all are my friends, maybe sounds a little "digital love", but I really do love you. Without y'all, this would have never happened. So, if you've been a loyal reader for at least this past year, you'd really like this book. Why? Because it will tell you everything that happened 'behind the scenes'. It will answer all your curious questions :)

YOU ARE INVITED TO:

Official book launch "Letters, Stories, & Dreams" by Cassandra Niki
February 13th, 2010. At Pejaten Village, Jakarta. Main Atrium, ground floor.
Talk show starts at 5PM, book signing at 7PM.

Get free goodie bags from L'Oréal & La Tulipe and so many other prizes.
Also, 40% discount for all Terrant books, including "Letters, Stories, & Dreams"!!

RSVP yourself on Facebook, and invite your friends! :
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=293572391234

I sure hope to see you there! We'll take pictures and hang out!
Hugs & kisses,
Me.

10 Photography Tips

2010-01-27T04:22:00.005+07:00

1) When you take a photo, don't think. Just feel.

2) Use an analog camera, the results are always surprising.

3) When you take a photo of someone, never count "1,2,3". They look best when they don't know when they need to pose. Go candid.

4) It's okay if you retouch your digital photos on Photoshop, as long as the end results are epic.

5) Bring your camera everywhere.

6) Never delete your photos from your camera until you transfer them into your computer. Do your reviews on your computer, not on your small camera screen.

7) Everything looks good on photo paper, don't be afraid to take super random shots. More random equals more creative.

8) You need inspiration to take photos? Watch a movie.

9) Minimize the use of accessories; lights, reflectors, fans, etc. All you need is your camera, your eyes, and your finger.

10) You really don't need to give a damn about photography tips. Make up your own tips, your own rules, your own style. Be yourself, that's the secret.

-Cassandra Niki x

P.S : My models are my family members and friends; Tamara Panza, Alisha, Sky Sucahyo, Priscilla Jamail, Fanni Imaniar, Dwenda Dexiana, & Imesh Nasution.

NEWS FLASH: I MET BOYS LIKE GIRLS

2010-01-23T19:55:00.010+07:00

Omg this was hilarious. So, I just landed in Jakarta, got my luggage, met my mom, and we left the airport immediately. We were talking and catching up while driving on the highway, when I noticed 2 White Horse minibuses with super cute passengers right next to my car. At first I was like, "Oh look Mom, cute foreigners!" and she nodded. We kept talking, but then I realized that I've seen these dudes before, but I wasn't sure. And while mom was talking, I thought to myself, "These people look like important people.." and then it hit me. I was right, it was the band Boys Like Girls.

I started screaming hysterically. Mom was confused, like "What the fuck are you screaming about?!" Hahaha lol. And then right when their bus was next to my car, I opened down my window and waved like some crazy woman on drugs. Hahaha. The cool part was, they actually waved back and smiled. They were all seriously cute. I took a bunch of photos while screaming at their bus. I don't why I kept screaming though, when actually it really didn't do me any good. And the funny part, my mom waved out of control too and shouted as well, but in fact she really didn't know who they were and after the bus was left behind she asked, "Who was that again?" Hahaha!

And once I started tweeting excessively and received SO MANY replies, I realized one thing: I don't even like the band. Hahahaha. But whatever, I'm still glad I met rockstars. For those who are gonna see them live this Monday, have fun!

I'd Kill To Go Back To High School

2010-01-22T00:16:00.002+07:00

As good as my life has started to turn out nowadays, I often still find myself reminiscing the good old days of high school. I made a Formspring.me account, and got asked frequently about my high school life. Well, this post goes out for those who are curious to know how I was in high school. Here are some questions and answers:

1. I bet you were very popular in high school! How was it like?
Some of you that haven't known me in the real world might have made a snap judgment that I was "miss popular" in school. With all the friends, the super cool look, the parties, the boys, the drama. Well, well, I'm nothing at all like that. I was really an average student, my friends aren't that much, I never party, I personally think I looked nasty, & I only had 2 boyfriends throughout high school. But drama, of course, who doesn't go through the damn drama in school?

2. What were you like in high school?
Frankly, I hated high school when I was still in it. I loathe all the teenage crap I had to deal with everyday. I remember always wishing for high school to be over as soon as possible. The peer pressure was really depressing. I was very "low profile" back then, didn't have that much friends. All I did in class was sleeping and being online on my cellphone. The teachers knew me as the one who always sleep. But don't get me wrong though, I got pretty good grades!

3. Were you one of those girls that wore tight uniforms? Were you fashionable in high school?
Depends on what your definition of tight is. The way I dressed was fairly appropriate, I wore a uniform that would fit well on my tiny body. There was those times when I wore silly tight uniforms, but it didn't last long. And as for fashionable, oh wow, I find that question very weird. How much fashionable can you get if you must wear a uniform? And I'm not a fashionable person anyway. I was one of those girls that come messy to school.

4. What was your favorite high school activity?
I was very involved in the photography class that we had every once a week. But besides that, I was in an organization that encouraged to love nature and the environment we live in. They called it "Pecinta Alam" which in English literally means "Nature Lover". It had lots of outdoor activities; camping, mountaineering, climbing, rafting, caving, etc. It was without doubt the best I've ever done in high school. I made great friends being in that organization, and not to mention, I met Jason, my high school sweetheart there too.

5. In high school, were you a good student or bad student?
I was a bad student in my first year. Skipped school all the time for stupid reasons, when I didn't skipped school, I got into fights with seniors and always did bad in my exams. I almost got myself expelled from school because of my terrible behavior. At one point, I realized that my actions was too shitty for myself to handle, so in my second year, I transformed myself into a good student. And I really was good. Except the 'sleeping in class' part, but at least I was in school rather than not!

6. Would you go back to high school if you could?
Definitely. As my mom used to say, "I'd like to go back to high school but with all the knowledge I have now". I wish I was more smarter back then, so I could eliminate all the stupidity I've done. Even though I really, really, really hated high school, I'd still do anything if I could get into a time machine and do it all over again even if I should be stupid again. The essence of high school is certainly all the foolishness, craziness, and ridiculous drama. I'd like to have a second chance.

For my dear readers who are still in high school, you should enjoy every minute. No matter how much it sucks. I really do regret wasting away all my precious time while I was still in high school. Because when I moved away for college, I realized that the 'real world' is way different than being a high schooler. I gained freedom after I graduated, however the responsibilities aren't little. So, please, have as much fun you can! Believe me, you can ask anyone who has graduated high school, they would totally kill to go back. Talk to you again soon!

New Beginning

2010-01-11T18:31:00.005+07:00

No matter how much you feel down,
time will fly by, so fast, to wipe that frown.
It's time to leave all the sorrow behind,
wake up, get up, start a new beginning.
Let all the painful and restless nights unwind,
because baby, this time you're winning.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello everyone! How was your holidays? Hope you had a great time. Because I certainly did. I went to Bali, and technically, I was all alone. Went there with Mom and my sister, Sky. But Mom went to dive at a different part of the island, and Sky joined her high school friends. So, there I was, alone in Bali.

At first, it sucked. Because I've never traveled alone, I was confused, where to go, what to do. But then, I got a hang of it, and in conclusion, I LOVE TRAVELING ALONE!

On New Year's eve, I went everywhere, checked out the beach, discovered cool shops in the back alleys of Kuta, bought secondhand books, and met awesome people. 2 hours before midnight, I went to a small bar near my hotel, which was located not far away from Kuta Beach. There, I bought a couple of drinks and made friends with foreigners, from Europe, Australia and America. When the clock strikes 12, everyone started hugging and giving free kisses. I got one from a very handsome man who was an American who lives in Hollywood. He was gorgeous :3

The first two photos were taken with Ricoh 500GX ;)

The next morning, I felt so happy. Traveling alone made me feel like I'm a grown up, hanging out with interesting people made me feel like I'm a woman. 2010 is certainly a new beginning for me, I'm reborn. I had such a great time! I'm a new me!

What happened with you on NYE? Tell me about it!
Happy 2010, people! Much love! :)

P.S: Sorry for the lack of updates, still got no internet connection! But you can always reach me on Twitter, follow and tweet me! :)

In Case You Missed It

2009-12-21T06:35:00.008+07:00

Hmm. I guess I'm charged guilty for not blogging for a month. Will you forgive me? I've got no excuses left, so I might as well just admit that I had no passion to write or share anything whatsoever this past month. I've been getting so so so many emails from readers, which is really, very sweet. Emails of encouragement and support, some only said hi, and some ask a bunch of silly questions. But it's great, and I thank you all for having me in your thoughts.

I'm gonna settle this once and for all, and I'll be honest. For those who asked, yes, I was depressed. Of course I was. My heart was screwed up with such terrible feelings and emotions. It felt like, how do I say this, umm.. Like a big chunk of my heart was ripped off so fast I didn't have time to save it. And frankly, your sweet emails didn't help me at all. Well, it did made me smile a little, but then you can't lie to your heart. So I still felt hurt anyway and I thought there was nothing I can do about it. My family and friends thinks I look terrible nowadays, I look like I've lost my passion for everything I used to love.

Love? Yeah, I don't know either. I thought I knew what it meant. But apparently I didn't have a clue. All I ever knew was obsession of an illusion. An illusion of feelings that I thought was love.

But after 2 months of crying and struggling to let go, here I am, feeling better than ever. Feeling like now, I can do anything I want! I don't need some boy to make me feel happy. I haven't officially "moved on" yet, as I still miss everything we had, I still miss him and the idea of having him around, to be in his arms and to feel his lips gently touch mine. But then again, he seems to be very well over there, without me. And so, why be depressed? As I always say, life is too short to be depressed, life is too short to waste.

Everything changed on a Wednesday afternoon, a couple weeks ago. When a friend of mine came to my place and brought me the latest edition of Hai magazine. There I was, on three pages with my huge photo that seems to be eating the whole magazine. I've been in a lot of magazines before, but this one is different. Three pages long, a long article just about me, and really, me only. It sounds cheesy of course, but I looked at myself, and it was my first photo with a nice smile on it ever since I broke up with my boyfriend. I looked happy. And yet again, this sounds cheesy again, but it made me feel like I'm a new person, and I can be anyone I want.

Here it is, my three pages long article. Just in case you missed it :)

After that article, I made new friends, got more readers, and made everyone around me so proud. I'm not a star, but at least I'm someone. Something I've never thought before. I've been loving someone else for so long that I forgot who the real me really was. I'm fierce, I'm strong, I'm happy. I'm Cassandra Niki, I'm your Casseybunn :)

Got a haircut, and now I feel bald and a little like a boy.

Please do wait up for my book that will soon be published, i'll tell you all about it next time. Happy holidays! Much love for y'all. XOXO!

P.S : I didn't cut off my hair because I was depressed though. I just thought I needed a new look. And if you know any cute guys, be sure to send his info to my email! Hahaha. Just kidding :p

I'm Back For You

2009-11-12T14:48:00.002+07:00

Well hello there loyal readers, and hello to those who are new readers. I've been absent for a while, I'm sure you've noticed. And by judging the last post, you can see that I've been through a tough time. I hate to tell you that after 2 years of an amazing relationship, I'm somewhat somehow 'single' now, and it's a long story to tell. But even if it was a short one, you know that I wouldn't feel comfortable talking about it now.

So anyway, how's everyone been doing? I moved to a new dormitory a couple months ago and I still have no internet connection, which is really a pain in the arse. I can't live without internet, but I can't afford going to hotspot cafes all the time either. So, please, I beg mercy from you, I'm sorry for being away these past weeks.

Another photo series? Sure! I must upload my old collection of photos though, because to be frank, I haven't held a camera for a couple of months now. Aaw, I know that it's such a pity. But I'm really fed up with college and I'm currently writing a book, remember? Don't worry though, I've got PLENTY of projects ahead of me, starting by the end of this month. Of course, photography projects. I'm gonna start taking photos of models again like I used to. And I'm doing a little modeling too myself, I'll surely keep you updated when the magazines that I'm featured in hits the magazine stands.

Click to full view, cupcakes.

These photos were taken in Beijing, China, with Jason's Multicolor Holga. As I said before, if you remember, I'm not good with lomography. But yet again, the 10 rolls that I brought to China definitely paid off some cool shots. Even though from supposedly 10x12 photos, only 15 turned out good enough, and only these 4 were "blog material". Lol.

I miss you all, I really do. You readers are the ones who keep me going. Last week, I actually had this horrible idea to shut down my blog and move on with my life privately. But, I couldn't. Blogging turned out to become something I really enjoy. And the thought of leaving you guys curious really bothers me! Keep updated for new posts that will be coming up real soon. XO!

P.S : My 20th birthday is on the 27th day this month, I'm tremendously excited!

IRONIC.

2009-10-28T15:29:00.004+07:00

The one person you love the most could also be the one who hurts you the worst. Isn't it ironic?

They say, if you love someone, you must fight for them. Because time flies fast, and this might be your only chance. But what if you've fought as hard as you could, and that one person still doesn't see you? Then stop. YOU are important, YOU must be happy. Some people are idiots, they can't see the love that's in front of their eyes. Isn't it ironic?

A Song, A Moment.

2009-10-20T12:29:00.006+07:00

Who doesn't love music? Raise your hand if don't enjoy music. Aha, just as I thought, there's no one in this world that would possibly not take pleasure in music.

A couple days ago, I was chatting with my boyfriend, Jason, and he was asking for some song recommendations, as he was on the search for some new music. Currently, I'm loving Yo La Tengo and Midlake, both of them has this folky indie sound which I like a lot. So anyway, we got talking and he started mentioning songs that he said that reminded him of me. And it was funny to know that he could be compassionate about these songs. He'd mention a song, and then he'd mention a particular moment when that song was playing. It was certainly a huge shock to me. I literally laughed all night, it was so sweet of him to remember such events. And then I started thinking of this idea to write down the songs that reminded me of him. A song, a moment.

#1 As Lovers Go - Dashboard Confessional.
Reminds me of : Riding his vespa, in our school uniform. Hugging him tight, as it was still in the first month since he became mine. We were such kids, we'd send messages with the lyrics to this song. "I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier, I'll be yours my dear".

#2 Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds - Bono (The Beatles Cover)
Reminds me of : Sitting in my Grandma's living room, getting high and laughing at each other. Our eyes were terribly red, and we'd take stupid photos on my laptop. This song also reminds me of being on the beach reminiscing our days together.

#3 Drifting - Andy McKee
Reminds me of : Being in Bandung, waiting for Jason to come back from his test to get into university. The first time I knew I'd lose him to the city. We slept in each other arms and he'd wake me up with hundreds of kisses in the morning. Watch Andy's video.

#4 Die, Die My Darling - The Misfits
Reminds me of : Saturday nights in his car, in the middle of a traffic jam. Back in high school, we always had The Misfits' CD as our Saturday night soundtrack. He'd hold my hand while singing the lyrics sarcastically to my face. "Die, die my darling. Just shut your pretty mouth". Ok, that ain't romantic, but this song is so us!

#5 Talk Shows On Mute - Incubus
Reminds me of : Last year, when Incubus had a concert in Jakarta, things went wrong so we couldn't enter the venue. So we walked back together to the parking lot, hand in hand. While we could hear Brandon singing this song. We sang along loudly. It was literally a perfect moment! I've wrote about this one before.

#6 Special Needs - Placebo
Reminds me of : Being somewhere near him. It was his ringtone back then. Every time his phone rings, this song would be heard. This song is so high school for me, reminds me of being desperately in love with him and adoring the way he answer phone calls.

#7 All I Need - Radiohead
Reminds me of : Watching him walk away while I walk behind him. When he came to visit me here in Jogja, and he was about to go home. Holding his train ticket in his hand, and he kissed my forehead. Told me to take good care of myself, and asked me not to come to the train station because it would be hard to go.

There are still dozens of songs, but if I wrote them all down, this would be the most boring blog post ever! Hahaha. Hope you enjoyed this little piece out of my memory box. And you can download the songs if you like. Just right click + Save Link/Target As. To be honest with you, our relationship is hitting the rocks. But I don't want to give out to many details. Talk to you guys later! Follow me on Twitter if you don't mind :D XO

P.S : Jason, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I miss you and I always think of you.

I Can Feel Blue Too

2009-10-02T17:57:00.007+07:00

Am I living a dream that isn't mine? I feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be, not surrounded by people who should be around me, not in the path I should be walking through. But that's life, I guess. All you can do is hope and dream. And even though you try hard to be who you want to be, you'd be a lucky one in between millions, if you ever get there. If you don't, well you just gotta accept it. No matter how bitter it feels. I have not been myself lately, I'm like a machine, doing orders and moving under someone's control. Not that I'm saying that I hate my life, but to be frank, I wish it could be better. I secretly cry myself to bed sometimes. This place, this life, this person. Where, what, who?

Yet there's a passion in my heart, but my voice can't come out. There's a will in my guts, but my muscles can't work.

But I ask myself again, is this just a thing grown ups go through? The breakdowns, the heartbreaks, the unfulfilled expectations?

I've became best friends with the airplanes, the clouds, and the wind. But they can't take me where I want to be.

P.S : I won the Indonesian Youth Conference blog competition! Read my article online at The Jakarta Globe's website. My article will be published in the newspaper, soon. How cool is that? ;)

China Landscapes

2009-09-10T21:46:00.005+07:00

Second post for the Chinese experience I had a couple months ago. Well, to be frank, I could say it was the one of the hardest trips for me. Not only because that my left foot was horribly injured at the beginning of the trip, but the heat of summer was also making all the walking we had to do much more uneasy. But even so, China is a beautiful country. The Chinese people, oh my, their loyalty to their culture is beyond madness. I wish I had such spirits as they do. As my Philosophy of Ancient China professor said, the Chinese people have a method of life which favors their own culture to get much stronger day by day. No matter how modern they have become, they still live to compliment nature and all it's elements. It was definitely a pleasure to witness.

1) Military ship passing by in Shanghai. 2) Zhouzhang, the Venice of the Orient. 3) Can you see the Great Wall of China far away behind me?

Ever since I first started posting my personal photos on this blog, I've never posted any landscape photos. There's a reason though, I'm not really good in taking landscape photographs. I have never found out a way to show emotion in an object that could not express feelings. If you know me well enough, you'd know how much I love taking snapshot photos of people and their emotions that I capture is the most important thing in those portraits. These photos aren't so great, but I just had to show you how it was like over there through the lens of my camera.

4) Saying goodbye to Macau as the sun starts to set. 5) Another "failed" shot of the Great Wall. 6) Musical parade at Disneyland Hongkong.

And now... A treat for you my lovely readers, my 4th set of Photoshop actions. Best used on high resolution photos, with lighter contrasts. If the results don't look good enough for you, feel free to retouch with your own personal techniques. Most photos turn out a bit dark with these actions, so be sure to increase the brightness before saving. You have any questions, just email me anytime! XO!

[[Click here to download my 4th Photoshop Actions Set]]

P.S : I re-uploaded the Batu Karas photos with much better ones, check them out once again ;D

Weird Come Back

2009-09-04T17:45:00.003+07:00

Going back to Jogja for my third semester feels like such a weird come back. I've been gone for two months, now I'm in college again, and yet next week I must go to Jakarta (again) for Hari Raya Idul Fitri. I'm not a moslem, however my family are mostly moslems. So I must spend time with them. To be frank, I'd rather go to Bandung and hug Jason all over. How ever, that ain't possible!

I've got no stories to tell to you guys, so I'll just post my latest photos from my trip to China a couple months ago. I've still got 10 undeveloped films and almost 200 digital photos that haven't been retouched. While in the meantime, college assignments are already pouring in and I've got a lot of writing to do. (As since early this year, I've been writing a book. Yes! There's an announcement for you!). I'll keep posting the China photos for 2-3 posts after this one, because there are so many good ones, and I just got to share them with you! By the way, don't ever forget I've still got a DeviantArt account and a Twitter account! I'll be very happy to meet any of you there. Well, have a good day everyone, ciao!

1) Tamara, Shanghai. 2) Sky, Beijing. 3) Alisha, Singapore. 4) Me, Beijing. 5) Hanna, Macau.

P.S : I decided not to put any watermarks on my photos, so please people, DO NOT steal my work. You may save my photos and publish them for creative references. But clearly not to be claimed as yours. I'm always available on email if you need to contact me due to ask for permission to use any of my works. Be yourself! Thank you!

Oh, and be prepared for the next post, because I'll be posting new Photoshop actions for you to download! :D

Online all the time: Youth and The New Media

2009-08-25T23:14:00.008+07:00

A while ago, one of my friends, Alanda Kariza, encouraged me to participate on a blog competition held by The Indonesian Youth Conference. I kept on saying that I didn't want to, I just didn't feel like I had any ideas what to write. But then after some consideration, I finally decided to give it a try. The essay follows this intro, and I'm sorry there are no photos in this post. I'll update again in a couple of days with some of my all-time favorite photos from the past. Read on everyone, your comment would be a delight!

P.S : Have we met on Twitter yet?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Online all the time: Youth and The New Media. The impact of social networking and the online world on Indonesian culture"

Nowadays, internet seems to be a vital need for everyone. Ever since the innovation of social networking websites, more and more people got involved in the use of the internet. It was years ago when I was first aware of the internet and what it offers. Not only that I feel that it is the best search engine ever, it is also the media for me to find my friends and (sometimes) interesting strangers. As a teenager, being on a social networking website is pretty much a common thing. It's like, you can totally find anyone there, anyone! By being on these sites such as Friendster, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter,etc., information about everyone on it is easily reachable. Personally, I have found that these sites have influenced me a lot in my daily life. Without any scientific reason, I feel like I always have a need to be online to check on updates on my friends' online profiles.

What? What do we teenagers do on the internet? We do all sorts of stuff, but generally, we socialize (as what those social networking sites are created for). A weird fact about how important the internet is to our lives-- it's crucial! Even though we know we won't die without it. I might say some parents (who aren't on the internet) are concern with this fact. Most teenagers prefer to stay at home in front of the computer rather than riding their bike in the afternoon. Not to mention, it has been said that teenagers no longer cherish their backgrounds & cultures.

If I had to donate my voice, I'd strongly say that I'm a very proud Indonesian and I disagree. Okay fine, so less teenagers go to traditional dancing lessons, listen to keroncong music or dye Batik patterns on textiles in this century. But it doesn't mean that we don't treasure our roots. Even though, frankly, sometimes I feel weird when I see my little cousins all hyped on the internet, while I remember that at their age, I was one of the best "Tak Jongkok" players. But even so, I'm also glad that we're no longer left behind from other developed countries. And yet, we can actually promote our culture through the internet so people from around the world can see what a beautiful country we're from.

Before writing this essay, I thought a had a clear idea about this particular topic. But apparently, I didn't. All I'm saying right now seriously comes out directly from my heart to a blank page of my notepad. And I'm even constantly checking my Twitter updates while typing. But hey, what's wrong about that? I wouldn't ever make any judgement whether the impact of the internet on our culture is negative nor positive. I'd say it's a matter of perspective. From where I stand, as an active user of the internet and as an Indonesian, I admit that I might have less knowledge about the culture my ancestors have left me, but because of the wonders of the internet, I can easily catch up and do some research about them. I can even discover so many random facts about my country. And I know that I'm not the only teenager who thinks so. All those school home works and college papers discussing the Indonesian culture; I guess that most of us students do our research on the internet! Sometimes Indonesian teenagers even discuss the matters of this country on their blogs, online profiles, and even while chatting on the web messenger. Internet has changed our centuries-old culture, but it doesn't mean that the online world has made a barrier for us to not be able to learn them. The online world has become one of our cultures! In fact, the online world has made us, the teenagers of Indonesia, unite much more easily than ever before. For that, I can't wait till this technology spreads throughout the whole nation to the most remote areas, so we can all take joy in the use of the internet.

So, who's with me? What would you say about the impact of the online world on Indonesian culture?

Vacation / Twitter / Suave Magazine

2009-08-19T00:35:00.008+07:00

Finally! Vacation! Even though my desire to go to Bali couldn't be fulfilled, Jason kept his promise to take me on a vacation away from the capital city where I don't need to think about college or any sort of responsibilities. We went to Batu Karas beach! Located not far away from Pangandaran beach. It took almost 9 hours for him to drive me there, sadly I can't drive so I kinda felt guilty that he had to drive all the way. But gladly, he said it was worth it. Once back in high school he told me that it's paradise, and indeed it is. At first I was a bit disappointed because there was so many people spending their long weekend there, so I couldn't enjoy the beach 100% privately, but as long as they don't spoil my fun I knew I'll be fine with the company.

I didn't take much photos because I'm currently learning to make videos, so I recorded our whole trip instead. I guess Jason felt a bit weird because there was only the two of us, which means he's always the object of my video recordings. Hehe sorry love :p

Hope you enjoy the video, it's really not that good because I still can't figure out how to adjust the colors and stuff. I can't even hold the camera motionless haha. But at least I shared it with you. Watch away!

I seriously had so much fun; watching the sun rise and set at the beach, hearing the waves splashing, and getting some eye-candy from the good looking tourists. But most importantly, I had 4 days of Jason for myself only which is the best part of the trip!

PS : The devil has defeated me, and now I'm on Twitter! Also, my photos are in Suave Magazine this month, you get can the magazine for free at some places but you can also download the magazine at http://www.suavecatalogue.com

As Jason said in the video, PEACE LOVE AND GAUL! Love you all blueberry pies, for those starting college, welcome to the club ;}

Forgotten Creative Hours

2009-08-06T01:34:00.008+07:00

Yes, I've been obsessing about the holidays like since months ago. But if you knew what I've been doing ever since I came back from China, pff you'd be deeply disappointed. Seriously, I'm not even close to doing anything productive. All I've been doing is sleeping, eating, and I'm going crazy playing the Restaurant City online game on Facebook. Indeed, laugh out loud people. And I'm not the only one totally competitive about it, so is Jason. So we've been consumed with competition for a week now, and we're playing chase. Today I'm level 19, and he's 16. But that's after I was left 5 levels behind. Does any of you play Restaurant City? Hahaha, my mom is start to yell at me because of my habit of waking up every 2 hours to check on my sweet beloved restaurant on Facebook. Check out how my restaurant looks like ;)

So anyway, because of that stupid foolish game, I haven't done anything I've planned to do yet. Well, I did get my tattoo which looks uber cool today. But other than that, I'm always at home and I only go out when I desperately need to see Jason or if I'm hungry for a burger. Two days ago, I was reading along my older posts, and I realized that I totally forgot that I promised Kimo Allegra that I'd post my sketches. (Sorry sweets, so sorry! This post goes out for you! xoxo). Well, here they are. These are my latest ones, which aren't so good if compared to Kristi's sketch of me. But compared to a 5-year-old kid's drawing, I think mine aren't that bad.

All done pencil on paper. This is what I do to kill time when I'm no longer creative with my cameras.
(left-right: Random lady, Twiggy, Random lady 2, Yoko Ono & John Lennon, Shrek)

Where have all of you been? Keep those comments coming, and I'll keep my promise to come and stop by at your blog. And you know I've never missed that one. I'm quite busy nowadays, I've got a lot of work (which equals.... MONEY! Yummy!). Jason and I haven't been more happier, we're so happy lately and I keep finding myself loving him more and more each day. Mmm, what else should I update? Mmmm... Well, you can ask me anytime whatever you need to know, click on that Yahoo messenger button over there on the left, we can chat! Hope you have a nice day. And for you guys in school, study hard! The future's already knocking your door, hugs!

Textures Tutorial

2009-07-21T12:45:00.007+07:00

I've been getting emails from some of you asking me how do I get the blurry scratchy effect on my photos. I'm not sure what the technique is official named, but I like to call it Texturizing. What I do is, I apply a texture layer onto my photos. Which is certainly so damn easy. So, here's a little tutorial on how to texturize your photos :}

I personally retouch my photos using Photoshop CS2. But any Photoshop version is able to do this trick. (Click the step if you need to see how it looks like on screen)

1) Drag the texture to your photo.
2) Decrease the Opacity to any desired amount (my usual opacity range is 30%-50%)
3) Adjust the contrast using the Curves tool.
4) From this step, you can adjust the color tone to whatever you like or just let it be (for this photo I made it black & white with one of my actions)
5) Merge the layers by choosing Flatten Image.
6) Save file, and you're done! Yeaaah!

As I said, it's so simple. You can download the texture I used here. But cool textures can be found all over the internet or even in your own hard disk. Try browsing here, and try any kind of textures. Don't be limited by only my 6 steps above, try to create something new, explore all the tools! And most definitely, have fun! Ciao!

Model : Jason. Texture by Sanami276.

P.S : CHECK OUT MY NEW BLOG!!!

Inked.

2009-07-20T03:17:00.013+07:00

Hello! I'm back from China and I'm having a great time relaxing at home. Even though my foot has healed and I'm already able to dance again, I still prefer to slack around. I hope you guys don't mind waiting a bit for the China photos, there's like hundreds of them and I certainly need more time to sort them out :}

So anywaaaay, remember what my plans were for this holiday? Ah, don't mind to think, I'll remind you, I told you I'm planning to get a second tattoo, 2 years after my first. And yes, I did! After a year of searching for a good tattoo artist that specializes in portrait tattoos, I finally found someone. His name is Kimik, and his studio is in Bandung. He's awesome; but most importantly, his art is affordable! Saying he's still learning, but reality says he's pretty ace. (Wondering what was my first tattoo? Click!)

I decided to make a tribute tattoo to my late dad. A portrait of him. My dad passed away 10 years ago. A couple months before my 10th birthday. He was sick, and passed at the age of 30. Not only that he was too young to die, he was an amazing person. The best dad in the world, well at least in my world he was. For almost 20 years in my life, he was my biggest lost and it took me a long time to let him go. But even so, me, my mom and my sister are always blessed even though he's gone.

It was sooo hard to choose a photo to be inked on me. Me and my sister grabbed out all our old photo albums, and instead of being to the point and picking a photo, we had a moment to mourn once again. Oh his photos are hilarious, all of them includes his messy hair and ripped Sex Pistols tees. Some are worse, half naked or half drunk. But then I found a photo that was different from all. A photo of him on his 25th birthday. He was drunk, of course, but he had a funny hat on, and a funny grin. I just had to choose that one.

Look closely, can you see my blood? Heheheh. The pain was worth it. I love the end result so so much.
It's weird having something big on my arm like this, I'm not quite used to it yet. Does it look weird to you?
You can check out more photos from that day. And you can also check out my friend, Wendee and my boyfriend, Jason, who also got tattoos last week! I'll upload Jason's & Wendee's tattoo photos on my flickr soon, keep watching! If you're planning to get a tattoo, I'd recommend Kimik for your tattoo artist. Email me if you need his number :D

P.S : I missed Jason's birthday because I was in Hongkong, but of course, I called him and told him I missed him. I gave him a vintage radio he's been looking for, like for 6 months. And he was so happy hehe. I wish I took photos of his exciting face like I did last year, but believe me, he was glad! His hugs of happiness keeps me warm :p

Ni Hao, China!

2009-06-30T02:00:00.003+07:00

Well, I had a little accident. Eeeh, I fell down the stupid stairs at Cilandak Town Square a couple nights ago. An old lady accidentally pushed me and I tripped all the way down and hurt my ankle. Really, it may sound such a small little injury for you guys who are into sports, but for me, it hurts like hell. And losing the ability to walk straight isn't something I'm happy about.

Anyway, I'm sorry for not keeping in touch with you guys lately. I've been a little occupied playing the latest baby of Electronic Arts, The Sims 3! I've been losing sleep because of it. But it gets my mind of the excruciating pain of my wounded ankle. So I'm very happy!

BUT.... I'm quite pissed because a certain someone is getting on my nerves and NOT acting like a gentleman. But whatever, I'm a big girl.

P.S : I'll be back to reply your comments, emails, and stop by at your blogs some time next week okay. Why next week? Because tomorrow I'm going to China! Yea, Beijing and Shanghai. Another traveling trip with my family. So, I'll talk to you later, hope you guys aren't having any wounded ankles. Hugs!

R.I.P Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T16:02:00.004+07:00

I was sitting alone minding my own business in the waiting lounge of Adisucipto Airport of Jogjakarta, when a guy sat restless in front of me while talking loudly on his cellphone. "Michael Jackson is DEAD! -- Serious! I'm watching the news right now on TV". In shock, I turned around to see the TV, and it was true.

Very devastated, I was very devastated. I have a very significant and meaningful memory of the King of Pop. I was one of his biggest fans. As I gazed into my memories, seriously, I could feel my eyes get wet, I teared up at the airport. :(

In 1996, I went to the first concert of my life. Michael Jackson's History World Tour in Auckland, New Zealand. I was only 7 years old, but I had the best time ever. Even though I was very young, I will never forget the magnificence of his performance. I will never forget the high excitement of the cheering crowds. I will never forget his talent and charm as a musician and as a performer. Oh, and I'll never forget the image of my mom jumping and dancing crazily either, that one I actually wish to forget haha.

That day I came home as the number 1 fan of Michael Jackson, carrying a huge book of his biography filled with amazing photos and and begging my mom to let me wear the MJ t-shirts she bought. And even after I grown older, I'd secretly dance in the living room to his songs, pretending the couch is my stage, and my stuffed animals are my fans (When no one's home of course hihi).

No matter what people have said about him, no matter if the rumors were true or not, he will forever be an inspiration. He has given the world the best of his life, and his life is worth to remember by and to be told. He is a legend, and I'm very glad he was a part of my life, he made my childhood fantastic.

Rest in peace, Michael. Thanks for being an inspiration.

Weight Gain Vomit!

2009-06-19T07:20:00.013+07:00

Really wish I could gain just a little more meat on me :{

Ok, yes, I know I'm skinny. But I'm not bulimic, nor anorexic, I don't have whatever eating disorder disease either. I'm totally tired of people telling me how skinny I am. Helloooo? I know! I've been living in this body for almost 20 years. I was a fat baby and then I grew into this small figure.

I'll be lying if I said I don't care what people think or say about me. Of course I care. Society is so cruel. "You're too thin, anorexic sicko!" or "You're too fat, disgusting pig!". Why should anyone be TOO fat or thin? I've been told that I look like a walking skeleton my whole life. "Cass, kurusan deh...". Apa sih, gue selalu kurus deh peraasan hhh.

So anyways, I've been trying to get fat since junior high school. I've been feeling so insecure of my body, really. I tried everything! Ate before bed, drank milk everyday, took various weight gain pills, vitamins, stopped smoking (it didn't work so I started again), I'm not on drugs at all, went to a nutritionist, and I even tried eating junk food everyday. I JUST CAN'T GET FAT.

Last night, I tried out the Appeton Weight Gain milk that my friend has been drinking for a while. Shit man, it tasted like, errr, like vomit. Can't drink it. Ugh, wait, I need to throw up.

The Truth Hurts, I Guess...

2009-06-16T19:46:00.008+07:00

Have you ever asked a question to someone, even though you knew that the answer will hurt you?

You knew the answer will hurt you. But you asked anyway. Trying to get the fact, trying to find out the truth. The truth hurts, as people have said. But even so, you opened your mouth and asked. DANG! Yes, the answer did hurt. The next thing you know, you're bruised deep inside and wished you shouldn't have asked, but at the same time you're relieved that you now know the "hurtful truth" so all you need to do is move on.

I've done it a million of times. And I still have another million questions to ask. To my mom, to my boyfriend, to my dad, to my best friend, maybe to you, and to certain people out there that might or might not exist.

Here's a simple example we can all relate to. Remember that time you asked your ex, "Are we done? Are we over? Is it really really over?" and the answer was a simple "Yes". Oh man didn't that hurt like hell? But you've moved on haven't you? Perhaps you cried for days, or maybe you just went out with some friends, or maybe you found a replacement right away (wow, you're so lucky). But whatever happened next, the bottom line is, you moved on.

I have questions to ask, but I know the answers will hurt me. And now I'm in the greatest fear, but also I'm consumed with curiosity. But you know what? As my favorite saying goes, "If it hurts, it's probably worth it". So I guess I will ask. Sooner or later.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Being a photographer isn't always 'easy snap-snap'. Sometimes the objects just refuses to be photographed :p
Maybe I should start taking photos of plants instead hahaha. Loves in photos are : Wendee, Prisci, Fathony, & Jason.

P.S : I'm having a MAJOR crush on Adam Samberg right now. Funny guys are just hotness yummyness meaooow~

Counter Closed?!

2009-06-09T15:57:00.006+07:00

I hate going to the bank! One of the most common things we experience in everyday life, going to the bank. Today, I went to the bank, planning to open a new account. I already have a bank account, however I have to make another one at a different bank for my college financial needs.

Once I entered the bank, the first thing I noticed was how many people that were there. It was like a festival of people, acting like they're in a line, but they aren't. Some people are asleep, some are trying to kill boredom by pressing their cellphones (it's so obvious, there's no messages or calls), some are trying to entertain themselves by watching the small TV in the corner, some are just staring at nothing like they're dead inside. It was a total horror.

As we all know, we need to take a number and wait in line to talk to the bank teller. Ok, so I took a number, and sat down. Oh man, the number I got was 50, while I can see the current customer number was 39. It's in the middle of the day, I've got nowhere else to go, so my only option is to wait patiently. At first, I wasn't too bored watching the small TV in the corner. There was this game show, where small little kids had to sing lyrics to Indonesian pop songs. It's pretty adorable, and I enjoyed it. But then before I knew it, the show was over. And I got extremely bored.

1 hour passed, and I'm still sitting quietly. The current customer number was 44. It literally took 1 hour for five people to get their businesses done. How much longer must I wait??? And then I realized, there were four counters, however only two were open. TWO! The other two had a small card on the desk the says "Counter Closed". Damn! I seriously think that's totally unethical. If all four counters were open, it could save much time for everybody! Much much more time!

Feeling annoyed, but yet still waiting, 2 hours passed. I'm starting to get hungry and tired. The view in that bank was definitely not amusing, everyone looked bored and anxious. And then I recognized a young lady standing up while looking terribly upset. She went to the bank door, I was thinking-- 'Oh, she's giving up, she's going home'. But apparently, she didn't. Instead, SHE TOOK A NUMBER! I couldn't believe my eyes. She has been sitting there the whole time since I first sat down. And she didn't have a number???? She just wasted 2 hours of waiting for-- NOTHING. I felt so bad! That poor lady! What a foolish thing to do in a bank. If I were her, I'd go home, and come back the next morning. I almost lost my mind from the shock, but before that even happened, I heard 7 heavenly words, "Customer number 50 at counter 1 please". Thank lord, finally! After all that waiting, I'll never go to the bank in the middle of the day again. Next time, I'd be there at 7, even before the bank opens. So I can be the first in line. Pfff! What a day!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To share my love to you, here's another Photoshop action for you to download! Please keep in mind, edit your photos in large resolution, and then once you're done you can resize it to the size you desire. And don't just click play all the time, learn from the action! So you can make you're own colors, and your own style to your photos. I can always help you, email me anytime for questions!

[[Click here to download my third action]]
The file consists of 3 atn. files; 2 color actions and 1 B&W action.
Have fun!

Practice Makes Perfect

2009-05-31T11:28:00.000+07:00

Remember Nina? My Diana F+ lomo camera that Jason gave me for my birthday? Well, I've done a lot of practicing, but still haven't felt good about any photos.

I tried out the B&W Kodak 120 film, just for the pleasure of my curiosity. I wondered, why is it slightly more expensive than the the color ones? So, I bought like 5 rolls, and started my first roll right away. It was a month ago when my sister, Sky, came to visit me here in Jogjakarta. And for the first time ever since I moved here, I went to the beach. I mean we-- we went to the beach.

Nina <3

Even though I love Nina, my number 1 gadget is still Canny.

It took me a month to get this lazy ass to the photo lab and print out the photos I took that day. When I first saw the photos, I was shocked-- I thought they gave me the wrong photos or something. The photos looked GREAT! (compared to my previous lomo experiments). I'm starting to think maybe I'm getting better in the black & white area. Hmmm.

So anyway, apparently I made a mistake when I loaded the film into the camera; I used the wrong frame, or the wrong setting (still not sure). But that whatever the mistake was, it made the photos look pretty awesome. The frames are kinda odd which looks good, and the photos are a bit blurry and scratchy which also looks good. Tell me, what do you think?

These are my favorites, but you can click here to see all the results from this roll ;)

P.S : If you're nifty with lomo cameras, I'd really like to hear from you! Any tips, critics, or whatever? Please? And would you recommend me to buy other lenses?

Tweet tweet

2009-05-27T10:04:00.006+07:00

Do you tweet?

What's the deal with Twitter? Why is everyone on it? I still can't figure out what the fuss is all about. So, it's like updating your Facebook status, but you do it more frequently, and people stalk you and give comments. Right? Is that really just it? Would you be kind enough to explain it to me?

What else does Twitter have to offer? Why is everyone on it? Even the U.S President, Barack Obama is "tweeting" regularly, that's so weird! Hahahaha. Yeah, sometimes I check out my friend's tweets, even celebrities and other public figures. Surprisingly, I do find their updates quite interesting. But still, I DON'T GET IT!

There are some emails coming in from some of you guys, asking me to make an account. Sorry, I'd really like to, really. How ever I just can't understand the point! And I'm thinking like, yeah it would awesome if you have like a million followers, or at least more than a hundred (like Ashton Kutcher or Ellen DeGeneres), but I'm not that awesome. Hahaha.

I'm one of those internet geeks, that has all sorts of online accounts. I even make accounts just for fun and delete them once I'm bored. Facebook, Myspace, DeviantArt, Flickr, Friendster (deleted that one, if you found a fake profile, don't add it), Viewbook, Plurk (deleted also), oh and sooo many more. But still not tempted to make a Twitter account hmmmm.

R U Still There??

2009-05-25T19:51:00.007+07:00

Hi everyone! It's been another while since I last checked my blog, happily it still remains in your hearts, and I thank you for your support and appreciation (and of course, your patience hihi). Please do forgive me for another late update, I'm just not certain about what I should write. To be frank, everyone seems to be so into fashion blogs, hey I'm no fashionista, and I feel outnumbered!

Anyways, even though I don't happen to host an awesome fashion blog, I've achieved an awesome reward for my hard work this past year. I'm featured in two local Indonesian magazines this month. Yes, TWO MAGAZINES! I was so excited to have my name and my photos featured. The first one is in Majalah Tamasya, which is a monthly travel magazine. It features all the amazing places to travel in Indonesia. My Vatican City post got in the magazine for the Traveler's Blog section! Yayness! My post was translated into Indonesian, and my blog definitely got some publicity :D

The second magazine I'm in this month is Jeune Magazine. Which is a bimonthly fashion magazine! Ehmmm, I beat you fashion bloggers! Haha, no just kidding loves, don't take it personally. I had an intimate photo shoot with a friend of mine, Firman NI in Bandung last year (by the way, he's totally awesome!). It's pretty provocative, I'm kinda half naked. But the photos look awesome, and I was featured for four whole pages. This particular issue also features my photography seniors I've known for years. Jason wasn't as thrilled as I was, he was actually very upset about it. But even so, it's still an achievement as a tiny 5-foot model like me!

(You can get the magazines in local bookstores, both are May issues, Majalah Tamasya edisi Aceh and Jeune Magazine Erotica issue. Shout out to those cool people who put me in this month, thanks loves!)

Well, the summer holiday is approaching, and I'm very enthusiastic about it. Planning to go on a holiday trip with my family, and of course with my sweet boyfriend, and most importantly my awesome friends which I've lost contact with since college started last year. I'm definitely going to have loads of fun for my two months off from school.

I'm not a huge fan of the sun, but I'm still looking forward to enjoy while avoiding it :p

What's your plans for the holidays?

I'll tell you mine! I'm going to get a new tattoo, celebrate Jason's 20th birthday in July, and I have loads of photo shoot schedules to come, so you'll be seeing new works of mine in coming months. Hope I haven't made you bored yet with this static blog of mine. And even though we might not know each other in the real world, you know I love you, and I'm forever grateful you're by my side. Hugs! Ciao!

Ray of Light

2009-04-28T18:35:00.006+07:00

Jason, on our way home after a dinner of sushi plates.

Me & Diandra, on our way to the airport to say goodbye to our french friend.

Jason's brothers, Monang & Billy, laughing about something funny. (Err, I forgot what hahaha)

Awesome photographer, Yogi Kusuma & Me, having late dinner and beer. And ehhmm too much smoking.

Rudye, the keyboardist of the band Thirteen, at Thirteen's album launching party.

Tania & CB (Cipta Binangkit), we were at a rock show, they're such a cute couple!

Tips for taking photos with this effect (I'll call it the Moving Lights Effect)

1) Manual Mode
- Low ISO speed ratings are much better. 100, 200, or 400.
- Focal length doesn't really matter, how ever it will be easier if it's closer. These photo's focal length varies from 18 - 36 mm.
- Use flash
- Most important : Low shutter speed! 2 or 3 seconds for best results.

2) Automatic Night Mode
- if you're using a D-SLR, you can use Night Mode
- USE FLASH.

Steps : Of course, for the same results as mine, you'll need to (1) take the photos at night. (2) The most important thing is that you set your shutter speed to a low rate. Not less that 2 seconds. And you'll need something to (3) set your focus on, in my case, I focus on people. Once your lens is already focused, (4) take the photo (use flash!), and while the shutter is still open, (before it clicks) you (5) move your camera in motion circles, or lines. Up or down, or left-right. Just jiggle your camera! Once the shutter is closed (clicked), voila! You'll have a motion of moving lights in your photo. Remember not to move the camera too much though, it will have a very bright exposure instead.

Last but not least, practice! And keep on experimenting with your camera. Be creative and unique :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How are you doing over there?

Oh, I'm so so sorry for the late updates. I'm just not feeling creative at all, not even inspired! And this time I'm not going to blame my college assignments, but I'll blame this boredom syndrome that's attacking me! I'm terribly bored, and I desperately need a vacation! Like big time! Only two months left till the end of this semester, yessss. I hope time flies fast, super fast.

And by the way, I have this huge pimple on my right cheek which is so annoying. It makes me feel less confident and I feel so ugly hahahaha. Well, I hope you enjoyed my photos, I'll update soon. PROMISE!

I love you all, hug and kisses!

I Love Me

2009-04-16T20:00:00.006+07:00

There will always be moments when we feel the most vulnerable. When we feel insecure and uneasy of our own imperfections. Yes, no one is perfect. We all have flaws of our own. But you know what, I'm sick of feeling terrible about myself! And we should all stop feeling imperfect. At least for one day in our lives.

To be honest, I'm not feeling so well about myself today. It's been a couple of days actually. I don't even know how to start. But the bottom line is, I feel terrible :(

So, as I was being a crybaby ass, I started thinking, what the hell am I feeling horrible for? I am an amazing person! Yes I am! And so are you! And then I came up with an idea, I want to make a list of reasons that makes me an amazing person. And I tag all of you to do so! Write a list of 10 good things about you, on your blog, on a Facebook note, or on a piece of paper, anywhere! Your choice. I tag EVERYONE to do this. Don't feel cocky, it's okay. As my friend, Lina Zainal, told me, there's nothing wrong about loving yourself. It's time to feel positive about yourself, so let's start with mine.

I am an amazing person because..

1) I am creative. I love arts, always did since I was much younger. I've got a good sense of colors and composition. I love to draw, to paint, to take photos, to make videos, all sorts of visual arts.

2) I am a fun person. I like to have fun and be spontaneous. I'm goofy and I'll do anything for you to have a good time with me. I'm also romantic, and I love making surprises.

3) I have a good sense of humor. I'm funny! I'm not a comedian, but I love jokes, and I love laughing! Who doesn't! And this one reminds me that of course, I'm a fun person. People laugh when their around me, and that just makes me happy.

4) I am friendly and easygoing. I love making new friends, and that's pretty much all I've done for 19 years of my life so far. I'm a people person, there's nothing I love more than meeting new people, and I know I'm good at it.

5) I have a passion for animals. I'm not only a people person, I'm also an animal person. I loooove animals! My dream job is to be an animal rescue-er (does that make sense? Well you know what I mean right?). Even though I haven't succeeded to become a vegetarian, oops, but I still love animals.

6) I'm a sensitive person. It's not really exactly always a good thing, because I cry easily, I get mad easily, etc. But that makes me a good listener for others, I understand what other people feels, maybe not always literally, but because of that I'm a good friend.

7) I'm smart. I know I am. I'm not always the smartest kid in the classroom, or in the world, but I know I have a good knowledge. I love to read, I love to learn new things. I'm always curious, and experiences always teaches me new lessons which makes me more smart than I think I am.

8) I'm an optimistic person. I have good hopes for the future, some call me a dreamer, but what's wrong about that? I choose to believe I have a great future than feeling horrible and stop trying to make it come true. I believe everything happens for a reason, and that makes me confident to keep being optimistic.

9) I'm a thankful person. I've learned and experienced a lot. I've had opportunities, I've also made mistakes. And for whatever I've been through, it has taught me to be thankful of what I have, what I have gained, and what I am.

10) I love my family and friends more than anything in this world. I wouldn't be who I am today without them. Without them, I'm no one. I won't let anything hurt them, I know they wouldn't let anything hurt me. I'd do anything to make them happy, I really would. And really, they are who made me an amazing person :')

Wow, that wasn't as easy as I thought it would be, it was hard making a list like that! But now I'm relieved! I really feel much more better about myself. Yes, I'm amazing! Now it's your turn. Don't be afraid to love yourself, feel confident! You are amazing. We are amazing. Don't let anyone makes us feel we're not! Never let anyone feel you're not worthy, because you know you are! Let's all feel happy about ourselves. I hope you make a list as well, trust me, it feels good.

P.S : Anyway, Speaking about being sensitive, I cried when the judges of American Idol saved Matt, he's my favorite idol!
I hope he can go more further in the competition, I wish him all the best :p

The Smallest Country In The World

2009-04-10T12:19:00.005+07:00

Vatican City, I have found my heart between your pillars.

Christmas morning 2007, what a day. I arrived at Rome, Italy for the first time of my life. The first thing that I thought was how fresh the air the is. Aaaah, it felt like I've been holding my breath for years. After enjoying the sight of the Colosseum (which was ah-ma-zing by the way), we went straight to the smallest country of the world, Vatican City. I'm still confused, it's a country but a city, blah blah. But whatever, that's how it is hahaha. Well it is certainly small for a country, it's a country within a city, Rome. But man, nothing can't describe how I felt when I first put step in Vatican City.

As a catholic, it really felt like a spiritual trip for me. Only a few of my family members are christians or catholics, or whatever you call us. We were so excited!

Firstly, we entered the town square, St. Peter's Square. Yet again, AH-MA-ZING! Wow, I was really stunned. There were huge pillars surrounding the square, and because it was Christmas, it was full of people from all over the world! We had to be careful because I guess it would have been so easy to get lost in between all those people. As we walked across the square, I couldn't stop being amazed by the lovely architecture, it was sooo beautiful. The town square was decorated with fountains and sculptures, just perfect architecture! Michelangelo is certainly a genius.

I was overwhelmed when I first came into St. Peter's Basilica. The largest Roman Catholic Church in the world! Everything was so golden, as far as my eyes saw, all I saw was gold colors all across the hall. The church was filled with beautiful sculptures and statues. The main altar was undeniably breath taking, it was so huge and so beautiful. I learned that the basilica was first meant to the the final resting place for the tomb of St. Peter, and yes, I saw the tomb. Oh this is funny, I was staring at an unfamiliar box everyone was staring at. It had big block letters on it that wrote "St. Peter" or something like, I can't remember exactly. And I thought it looks nice, but I can't understand why people are staring at it. And then a little later, I found out there was a body in it, the corpse of St. Peter. And I suddenly freaked out and walked away. Hahahaha. I was shocked hihihi.

Too bad I missed the Christmas Mass, I was too busy looking around and taking photos. But I didn't missed seeing the Pope though! Pope Benedict XVI. He was really old, he walked sooo slow. Not that it is important, I was just fascinated to see how old the Roman Catholic leader was. Everyone was standing together at the St. Peter's Square waiting to hear a speech from the Pope. And there he was, standing up high on the center balcony of the basilica. He waved, and smiled. He looks so friendly. After delivering a long speech that I didn't understand at all (I think it was in Italian, not sure hmmm), then he gave his blessing to everyone, by saying "Merry Christmas" in 60 languages! And when he said "Selamat hari natal" which is Indonesian, me and my family clapped as hard as possible, we were just so so happy to hear him say that. Everyone in the square was cheering for Pope Benedict, it was really a magical feeling.

Pope Benedict XVI

I felt like home standing there. I might be in the smallest country of world, but I share a wonderful common thing with the hundred thousands of people there. We shared the joy of Christmas and the liberty of enjoying the most beautiful scenery of the roman catholic history. Even though we were all strangers and came from different sides of the world, we were one. it was really the best Christmas day in my life so far. I couldn't ask for anything better.

Do you travel? Tell me about your favorite travel experience! :)

Distance is Nothing

2009-03-23T05:02:00.012+07:00

The thing about long distance relationships is how hard it is to part from each other, how to manage missing your other half, and how exciting it is when you meet again. I don't know whether it's only me or I'm normal, but after parting for quite some time, once we meet each other again it seems a lot has changed!

My relationship has been going on for a year and a half now, and doing this long distance thingy kinda sucks, but I admit it's a good practice. Missing someone just makes you love them even more. I meet my boyfriend once in a month or two, and waiting for that time to come is exciting, yet what an awful test for my patience skills (PFF!). And when this time comes, I just can't wait to get off the plane (or train) and hurry see him and hug hug hug him like we haven't met for years. But something I noticed about him as time passes by, every time we get the chance to meet after that being away part, something has changed about him. In a good or bad way. In a small or big way. Simple things like changes in his taste in clothes or music, or something huge like his principals, thoughts, point of views about certain things. It's weird. Somehow I can't catch up. And keep hoping nothing should ever change. I wonder, do I change too?

Some shots from my first roll using Nina, my Diana+. Pff, I'm no good in lomography. These were taken on my way to airport to yet again say goodbye to Jason.

Being apart from each other means losing track of each other's lives for a tiny bit amount of time (or long long longer), and it takes a while to catch up with each other. Which is of course– supposed to be the fun part, but... Aaaah, what am I talking about? I'm blabbering like crazy. Anyway, I'm just happy to finally hug Jason again.

Tell me about your relationship, present or previous. I'm a fan of love stories.

P.S : This video is so fun! Love it!

Overwhelmed

2009-03-12T03:40:00.013+07:00

> > [ DOWNLOAD MY B&W ACTION ] < <

P.S : (1) Works better with high resolution photos.

(2) Press CTRL+Z / COMMAND+Z after playback if you want no grain
(3) Feel free to be creative, add your signature style to the photo!
(4) If you have any questions, email me! :D

the peeps in the photos are : Zeshita, Me, Alisha, Fanni, & Ditsa.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi! How are you? Is everything just fine? I'm trying to blog-walk around all of your blogs so we can all keep in touch, but pardon me if I haven't stopped by yet, I'm so overwhelmed with all my college assignments! Phew! I'm in my second semester, and how would I know what to expect, apparently all my professors are crazy with assignments! I have loaaaaads of homework to do! Thank goodness I haven't got a fever because of staying away from the internet for quite a while. Hahahaha, ok–that's not funny.

I miss Jason, we haven't met since last month.

I'm doing a research about Polar Bears, and I regret choosing that subject for my assignment. Because it lead me to find very disturbing videos and photos of dying Polar Bears because of global warming. It was a terrible sight, but I can't change it anymore, so I still gotta write the damn report, Pff!

##Question for commenting:
What song are you currently playing over and over again?
I can't get enough of Dionysos - Song for Jedi! (right click+save target/link as for downloading)

Proud or Not?

2009-03-01T18:25:00.006+07:00

Photos are from a photo shoot for the Indepence Day series.
Model : Priscilla Jamail

One afternoon, I was watching TV in my small studio apartment in Jogja. Do you know who Jeff Corwin is? Well I'm pretty sure he's a biologist, a famous one. He has two shows on The Animal Planet channel (which I'm lucky to have because I installed cable TV in my room). Me and my family has been a fan of his since years ago. That afternoon, Jeff Corwin was on the TV and the episode that day was about my country, Indonesia.

At first I was so excited, and so happy that a famous biologist came to travel my country and talk about all our fascinating animals. But apparently, as I kept watching, the episode wasn't about our beautiful forests and seas, neither about our wonderful collection of animals living all across this country. But actually about how embarassing Indonesia is.

He firstly went to Jakarta, the capital of Indonesia. He went to this person's house, a wealthy looking house. Shockingly, that person had huge cages in his backyard, and you know what were in those cages? Orang Utans! And lots of endangered monkeys and other species. Jeff Corwin became terribly mad, and took all the animals to the rescue. That was the first from lots of houses and shops he went to. He found all kinds of illegal pets only in Jakarta! Then he went to Borneo, or as we know as Kalimantan island. Where he was supposed to free the Orang Utans who were victims of hunters back to the wild. But on his way, he had to pass people cutting down the forest illegally, the habitat of these animals. And so on.

It was very embarassing! At the end of the show, Jeff Corwin said that he was deeply shocked, and sad for the fact that Indonesia has no idea of how important it's lands are. And his conclusion added, that if this goes on, in six years, there will be no more forests left for our animals, and would of course go extinct. How embarassing!

Changes ; Oh, You're All Awesome!

2009-02-21T20:41:00.008+07:00

The peeps in the photos above are : Indra, Me, Evan & Raynard, & Jules.

Hi everyone! Awesome friends, beloved readers, and fabulous followers! I've been greaaaat! How have you been? So, here's the drill. If you are a wonderful loyal reader, you might have noticed that I've changed a couple of things around here;

1) My blog name. No longer 'Whispers of Cassey Bunny'. Admit it everyone, it sucks. Don't leave a comment telling me it's cute, because it's not. When I first made this blog, I was like, thinking no one would even come by to read, so the cheesy name never bothered me. But now, it does. So, I changed it to a simple 'THE BLOG OF CASSEYBUNN'

2) Blog Header. Mhmm. So, I was so frustrated of trying to make a new name for my blog (which until now I haven't found out a good one, pff whatever). I ended up having an awesome idea. Changing headers! Yeaaaaah. My blog header will now change frequently. It will say different things on my mind, perhaps my mood, or simply something I feel, or maybe a quote I'm liking lately. So, catch up on those changing headers!

3) More Photo Series. Because I am a photographer, as a hobby and as my job; this blog was actually meant to show my personal photos that weren't uploaded on my online portfolio or my DeviantArt gallery. But just like everyone else, I have so much to do, and I don't always have time to take photos (and then I end up writing stupid posts). But, I wouldn't want you, my wonderful reader, to go away and leave my blog. So, I will now upload photo series from previous times, randomly. Every series will have a theme, a line that connects the photos in it. And be aware, I might upload downloads for tips, and Photoshop actions for you! :D

[Download my first color tone Photoshop action]
instructions how to use the atn. file is in the comments page, the 22nd comment!

P.S : You can email me anytime if you have any questions. Have a great day :)

What is Love?

2009-02-19T22:55:00.013+07:00

photo by : Wendee Widiantini (we look like very ugly vampires in this photo haha)

Because I am studying philosophy in college and I've always liked to share with you a glance of my thoughts, I would quote from Plato, a famous Greek philosopher.

According to him, at the beginning of creation, men and women aren't as they are now; there was just one being, who was kinda short, with a body and a neck, but his head was two faces, looking in different directions. It was if two creatures had been glued back to back, with two sets of sex organs, four legs and four arms.

However, the Greek gods were jealous. Because this creature of four arms and four hands could work harder and stand or walk for long periods of time without tiring.

Zeus, the supreme lord of Olympus, said : "I have a plan to make these mortals lose some of their strength."

And he cut the creature in two with a lightning bolt, creating man and woman.

Because of that, man and woman have became weak and disorientated without one another. And now they have to search for their lost half and embrace it, and embrace it more to gain back their former strength. For that, two must become one. That embrace in which the two bodies becoming one again is what we call today, Love.

What do you think? Please share your thoughts with me :)

Cassandra Niki - Blog

San Francisco Teaser

My Twenty-Two

Saying Goodbye To 'casseybunn'

A Very Girly Documentation

Sparkling Jewels

Isolation

Portraits From Chinatown

Portraits From The Castro

A Little Of SF

Spending The 'Before I Go'

San Fuckin' Francisco

Klastic YK Portraits

Cirque du Plastic - Animal Instinct | Lo-Fi Photo Exhibition

04:43 AM

An Afternoon With The Kittens

you make me feel so miserable it's beautiful.

When I Met MGMT

Blog Layout Tutorials

Dreams

Kitty Cats Inked!

Honesty

Happy New Year Everyone!

I'm Now 21 Years Old

Is Paul Really Dead?

Likes/Dislikes

A Great Excuse To Wear A Fancy Coat

Koalas Are Huggers, So Am I

CONFESSION

Crate Digging

Something Random To Start Something Awesome.

Hello. I'm Sorry.

My Personal Philosophy About The L Word

..And then I became a writer. Officially.

BOOK LAUNCH: Letters, Stories, & Dreams by ME!!

10 Photography Tips

NEWS FLASH: I MET BOYS LIKE GIRLS

I'd Kill To Go Back To High School

New Beginning

In Case You Missed It

I'm Back For You

IRONIC.

A Song, A Moment.

I Can Feel Blue Too

China Landscapes

Weird Come Back

Online all the time: Youth and The New Media

Vacation / Twitter / Suave Magazine

Forgotten Creative Hours

Textures Tutorial

Inked.

Ni Hao, China!

R.I.P Michael Jackson

Weight Gain *Vomit!*

The Truth Hurts, I Guess...

Counter Closed?!

Practice Makes Perfect

Tweet tweet

R U Still There??

Ray of Light

I Love Me

The Smallest Country In The World

Distance is Nothing

Overwhelmed

Proud or Not?

Changes ; Oh, You're All Awesome!

What is Love?

Weight Gain Vomit!